No Appointments today

I can breathe, relax and not think about the diagnosis for a day or two. Well I thought that was the case. The cancer center called me multiple times today. Social worker calls, MRI Scheduling, Mental health check calls.
LET ME REST PLEASE. My mom came over and I worked remotely. Entered a purchase order, placed a couple of more orders for some product replenishment. Boring but fun stuff.

In a previous post I mentioned I run an adult store in the Tampa area. I started with this company in 2007 as a weekend clerk to pay for a new car. A shitty little Toyota hatchback. It was nice, I was 27 and it was my first new car. They certainly don’t price them like that anymore. Under $10k cheap payment, cheap insurance. I needed more income at the time to supplement this purchase. I knew my brother worked for a good company and some amazing bosses. I threw my hat in and got the job. Retail, adult, yikes! Completely different than what I expected. But it was like home. I felt a sense of peace at this store. The friendships and coworkers I had were amazing. Some of them I still chat with to this day. Most have moved on. Months past and I found myself being asked to head an ebay site for the owners to sell DVD. Transitioned to that position fine. Did this for about a year, still with the X company, then they asked me to head up surveillance as the old guy who did this retired and eventually passed away. Another year goes by and I find a certain location in Tampa had some theft. I investigated and finally caught them in the act. Was told to head out there and take over immediately. This was near midnight on a Monday. Waited for the owners to show up and the change in management took place.

I was in a limbo kinda shit-uation. This was 02.09.2009 After about 30 days I was wanting to go back to my other job at surveillance and I asked if I could/the commute wasn’t terrible but it was far to me. St Pete to Tampa, 8am-8pm then 10pm-2am. Long hours for sure. Back at it again in the morning. I was drained. They told me if I liked my team and enjoyed the change of pace to stay there. I was just supposed to be an interim manager til they found someone but I was kicking ass in this new position. I didn’t expect it but I felt like this was a good choice. I could eventually lower my hours and not have to have multiple jobs. Great! The location I took over was in major debt, theft was high and the morale of the staff was at an all time low. Time to clean house and fill it with product and more productive people. One by one they either quit or were let go. This happens, it’s normal in a change of leadership. I never had a staff before, I never had this much responsibility.
I LOVED IT.

Power does not corrupt absolutely. I told myself to always treat my staff with respect and have an open mindset, be mindful of feelings and concerns everyone had. I did this. It was working well. Of course you will have the bad employee who can’t be counseled or helped. Move on and replace. No need for the negative energy to spread. I’ve been at this location since 2009.

Around late March of 2012 my fiance/soon to be wife’s father was ill and passing. She went to NY to be with him near his final days. We FaceTimed one night and I told her I was having stomach problems. I was plagued with diverticulitis since 1999. I figured it was another flare up. Not to worry, this too will pass. It did not. She flew home a day or two later and I was still in major pain. Turns out, my sigmoid colon had perforated and had spilled out into my abdomen. I was grey, sweating through all my clothes. The sheets on the bed were changed multiple times. We went to an urgent care center and my blood pressure plummeted to 60/40. The surgeon performed an emergency surgery to place a colostomy and remove 7 inches of the colon. They placed me in a medically induced coma for about a week for my body to recover. Then on to ICU for another week. One of the nurses told my wife that I had my age on my side and by the grace of God I’d pull through. I was 32, not yet married and my beautiful soon to be bride was there by my side the whole time. She’s still here for me and with me.

How do I live with a colostomy bag. It was embarrassing at first and I tried to hide it. Living with one of these is no joke. Hernias develop, weight was gained. Sense of self worth was low and noisy sounds were uncontrollable. I would excuse myself and my “bag farts” all the time. Eventually I found humor in it and dealt with it. One time while shopping in a grocery store the bag made a loud sound and I said to an elderly woman passing by EXCUSE YOU Ma’am. Thinking back the lady probably thought I was nuts for blaming her for the gassy sound but to me, at the time, it was hilarious. I dropped a bunch of weight by cutting sugar and fatty foods, started using WW to track meals and lost a ton more weight. January and February of 2024 brought on challenges and intestinal blockages which put me on a path to reversing the ostomy. I’m so glad I did. This past year with out it was amazing. I could be normal again.

My transition back to work was fine after the reversal. My bosses were cool with me easing back in. My staff understood and my assistant, let’s call her A, would light a candle for me and my health. (She still does this from time to time with my new diagnosis) It was so nice to see such love and support from my staff and coworkers. I truly felt it. I would tire easily and told myself you just had a major stomach surgery, take your time. I did. I had one complication with fluid build up in my abdomen and it landed me back in the hospital for about a week. No problem, they took care of it and me. Went home and went back to work. Slowly but surely I was gaining a sense of my new normal and I was bag free!

I feel like I was put on the path without a bag to handle this new diagnosis. I honestly don’t know how I’d manage dealing with an ostomy and brain cancer at the same time especially with the motor function decline and the boozy woozies. Lately I’ve been having some right side weakness and dragging my right leg. Not so much dragging but not walking properly.

My mom brought me a donut today, it was awesome.