Monday Nervous Feelings

In a little over a week, I will be starting my chemo and radiation. What they don’t tell you is the lead-up and the emotions you face. The waiting is so hard. I just want to get started already. I’m a ball of nerves. I’ve been preparing for many possibilities. I have some protein shakes for meal replacement in case I have no appetite. I’ve gotten some vomit bags just in case of nausea. I’m nervous about whether I will have other stomach issues. I am still pretty slow getting up and around. But all of this means I am ready to head into it. I’m not sure what else to expect. I am hopeful it will just be nausea and fatigue.

I’ve been having these leg twitches. Involuntary twitches. From what we have read, this could be a focal seizure. Randomly, my right leg will twitch upwards. I’ve also had more frequent numbness in my right arm and hand. Pins and needles. These are symptoms of the tumor. I’ve let my care team know, and they just say to monitor it. They actually want me to video the twitch of my leg. It’s random; how can I film it when it happens? More twitching when I’m stressed. Less so when I’m relaxed, but it still happens intermittently. What the heck does this mean?

I took a couple of naps today. I’ve been pretty tired today. That goes with what I’m going through. Each day is different. Different sensations, different events. I try to muster through it all. It can be hard at times. I can see my own decline in certain aspects of my everyday life. I wonder what more will happen. One day at a time. Don’t dwell on these things. Power through and you’ll make it out. I’ve not tapered down the steroid this week. I don’t think it is wise to taper just yet. Each time I have tapered, I have been worse for walking and energy. Docs will just have to deal with it. I don’t want to taper. The steroids help with the headaches and the wobbliness. Last night I had a pretty bad headache. I tried to keep it to myself, but my wife could see it was bothering me. I was on the verge of tears but shed none. Today no headache or symptoms other than the tingliness of my right hand.

Let’s talk about something lighter. I found these flavored almonds, and they’re so good. I have heard about certain nuts fighting cancer cells. Pretty much any nut except my favorite nut, peanuts. So these are flavored like salted caramel churro. So yummy. It’s hard not to eat them all. Nuts fight cancer? Strange. Why not peanuts? They’re a legume apparently. The others are not. I have some cashews, almonds, and pecans to snack on. I was nervous about having them with my previous stomach issues, diverticulitis, etc.
I had a clean colonoscopy last year before my colostomy reversal. I’m hopeful I won’t have any digestive issues with eating the nuts. Just gotta be mindful of it going forward. Last thing I want is to end up in the hospital with more issues.

I had some chicken enchiladas today from the Amazon Fresh mess-up yesterday. It was a bit spicy but not too bad. I enjoyed it. I likely won’t ever order it again. It was $8 per serving. To me, that is just too expensive, especially for lunch. But free, it was fine.

Thank you for stopping by
~Bruce