Taking a step back and restraint

I figured since I’m not going to treatment every day, I could step back and not post as much. I wouldn’t want to bore anyone with “I watched TV and had lunch today.”

Sometimes I want to blow up. Sometimes I don’t want to keep it in. Today is not a blow-up day. But we all have those days. Days where you don’t want to deal with anyone. Days where nothing seems to feel right. I have them, you have them. We’re just human. Our feelings can erupt and make you feel like the world just doesn’t want to cooperate. Or you feel like you can trigger emotions in others. It’s okay to set boundaries. I need to do this more. Yes, I am in a terrible situation. No, I don’t need or want to feel this way. It sucks. Cancer sucks.

We made egg bites today. My sous chef, my wife, helped me a lot with them. I prep and get them in the molds, and she steams them and does the clean-up for me. We have it down to a science. Teamwork truly does make the dream work.

Restraint: the act of controlling or limiting something. Whether it’s one’s own emotions, actions, or physical movement, or the act of limiting or controlling something or someone else. We all could implement some sort of restraint. I find that setting some boundaries is a healthy way of making yourself and your feelings valid. Restraining yourself is not bottling up feelings and emotions. It makes sense to keep yourself in check. Step back and think of the way your actions can make others feel. I do this, and I try not to upset anyone or step on toes/feelings.

Don’t think I’m on a high horse looking down. Some actions this week have made me give pause and reflect. I’m 45 years old. I don’t want to feel like a baby or child. I don’t want others to make me feel that way either. My situation is shitty. I know this, and I have accepted it. My wife understands this, and we have talked about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m the type of person who believes that everything you’ve gone through has brought you to this point in your life. I wouldn’t change anything, not even the diagnosis. Choices and steps you’ve taken to get here have shaped you, your life, and others around you.

So, I may not post daily; I’m still here. I’m still struggling through my day like many others before me and many others behind me. I’m still fighting through this. I may not have treatment and chemo anymore, but I’m still here, living through it. Somehow navigating this diagnosis. Hoping for some shrinkage/stabilization of Rudy.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce