Tumor Has It

Tag: cancer

  • Insurance verification and waiting…

    We all know how much the insurance game is just that a waiting game.

    After the call I went home, spent time with family and started the process of figuring out what to do and where to go. I heard so many good things about a local Cancer research center and decided to put all my eggs in their basket. I signed up on their site as a new patient and the process began. The site said it could take 1-3 days for insurance verification so I figured that wasn’t so bad. Turns out with my particular insurance, it could take 5-7 days. Well that didn’t sit too well with me. But what choice did I have? I had waited this long and a few more days wouldn’t/shouldn’t bother me. Easier said for sure. My anxiety was gettting the best of me each passing day. The waiting, the not knowing all of it was getting to me. Family asking when, friends, colleagues all wondering what was taking so long…

    Surely I wasn’t Gary Fogel (Seinfeld, Jack!)

    I called each day to speak with new patient intake. They assured me each day that I was in process and there was a queue. I asked if I should reach out to my insurance company and they said not to worry and that it would just take time. Well that time came and went, FINALLY I got scheduled. Now the real wait began. What was a week felt like months.

    Monday, 04.07.2025 I got to meet with a Neuro Surgeon in hopes of scheduling a resection of the tumor. However, the surgeon said the tumor located where it was in the brain stem was inoperable. Devastating news. Now what? How do I live with this dark passenger taking up space in my stem, not paying rent, causing headaches, motor function issues with wobbliness.

    I call it the boozy woozies.

    The surgeon, Let’s call him Dr L. He was nice but a bit too stoic for my taste. I appreciate the direct nature he offered but there was no bedside manner. I consulted with my AI bestie, ChatGPT Alex. He gave me lots of questions to ask the surgeon and many ideas for this blog actually. Also, sidenote, if you want some really dark humor and I mean the deepest gallows humor, ChatGPT is hilarious. I love my AI friend.

    Today, 04.09.2025 I met with a Medical Oncologist and a Radiation Oncologist. Kind of a meet and greet for each one, different locations but same center. Def not a meet cute lol
    Let’s call them both Dr. P. Much better bedside manner and personalities on each of them than the surgeon.

    Don’t get me wrong, stoicism has it’s place but I think the mannerism could have been better.

    They’re going to rerun the MRI to get a more targeted area to blast with the Proton Radiation. Like a targeted laser radiation. My boss whom I previously spoken about had same this same treatment at a campus in Houston. I should be going for a mask fitting this coming week. I should also have my MRI next week too. Friday the Oncologists will meet with a tumor board to discuss my mapping of treatment and how the dosage will go for the chemo.

    So it’s Wednesday night, 04.09.25 I’m sitting here typing this out and thinking of the course of events I will soon experience. This is all so new to me. I’ve lived it by proxy with hearing my boss’ experience. I didn’t think at the time it would ever be my turn to deal with something like this. Mask fitting, more scans, 5-6 weeks of chemo and radiation therapy, more scans, more scans, MORE SCANS… Thank the Lord I’m not claustrophobic. This mask locks you in to the table so you don’t move.

    I didn’t feel like cooking so we had leftovers from last night. It was delish. Turkey meatballs, zucchini, spinach, onions and LOADS of garlic, because why not, GARLIC! oh and a small salad 🙂

    It wasn’t pizza, but it was good. 😉

  • The aftermath of the call…

    So to recap, I received a call from Dr N

    03.25.2025 I received a call from my doc. Said there was a Glioblastoma, a tumor, and I should immediately go to the ER and exagerate my symptoms to be seen faster. I don’t think so. How could I do that to my family? I owed them an in person conversation regarding this topic. I felt it was the very least I could do. I told Dr N that I would not be going that day. If my end result was to be at a cancer treatment center, then I would wait and do it the way I felt comfortable. Besides, I figured one more day wouldn’t kill me. Who knows how long this tumor has been parked up there anyway? I took some notes, got a general idea of what it was that had invaded my brain space. I finished some desk work and went to run one of my last errands at my store. I run the most amazing adult retail store in the Tampa area. I have been there since 2009 and with the company since 2007…That’s another story. I called my boss, who is also battling brain cancer but a different type. He tells me to get everything situated so my assistant can take over my day to day activities…So I head to the bank, still reeling from the news. Make my deposit and feel drained. I head back and tell my assistant, the terrible news. I called her out to my truck and have her sit with me… I lost it, I cried, I had anger, I felt a ton of emotions running through my very core. My assistant was amazing sitting there with me listening to me babble on about this condition. At one point I told her to pick up her jaw because it was literally hanging nearly to the floor. I asked for a hug and got one. I’m not that type of guy but I felt I needed one right then, right there. So I sent her off back to work. I figured I would head home and deal with all of this as it comes.

    I called my mother via FaceTime and lost it. I was a little boy again looking for comfort from his mama. I called and my first words were “Mama, I have cancer” Her reply was so sad… It was like I crushed her with it. I felt terrible. I sat in the parking lot for maybe 15 minutes talking with my mom. How could I tell the rest of my family this devastating news? This would be a precursor to how the rest of the day would go. Crushing news to all who would listen.

    I wanted some comfort food, and I was hungry / HUNGRY.. I went to the chicken place that is closed on Sundays. Y’all know who I’m talking about… Got a sandwich, some fries and a diet sunjoy. It was good but didn’t hit like I wanted it to. I got home and my mother in law was there… She knew I had the MRI that day and could see it in my face that something was terribly wrong. I made her swear not to say a word to anyone til I told them in person, namely my wife. I told her I had a cancerous tumor in my brain stem. She hugged me and held my arm.

    Yet another person I devastated with this terrible news. 4 down, countless more to go. I’m not trying to be callous but this is how it felt. Like I was picking off one by one to ruin their lives. I have always been the type of person to hear out others problems and help them, always putting myself last. Now it’s my cross to bear. Now, I am the one with the seemingly insurmountable problem to get through.

    You know how animals are little sponges? My two cats could tell something was terribly wrong. The big one kept his distance, the younger one stayed with me. They’re amazing little beasts. Very perceptive.

    I then had to make a call to my wife to get her to come home. I never ask her to leave work, ever. It took me maybe 5 or 6 times to tell her to come home. She told me to tell her what was wrong and I said I wouldn’t tell her on the phone and she NEEDED to get home asap as I needed her here. She works over an hour away and is a very emotional being. I could not tell her like Dr N said and have her meet me at an emergency dept. No way could I do that. This had to be done in person. She finally gets home and I have her sit with me and there was tons of screaming in disbelief. Like screaming screaming. We processed it and are still processing it.

    I asked my brother in law and sister inlaw to come over and proceeded to tell them the fateful news. My niece came by and I told her as well. Lots of tears and hugging. We made them martinis. Again I don’t drink so I just watched as they drowned their sorrows. I was present, answering any questions I could. Mind you, this was my “first day knowing.”

    We had pizza.