So to recap, I received a call from Dr N
03.25.2025 I received a call from my doc. Said there was a Glioblastoma, a tumor, and I should immediately go to the ER and exagerate my symptoms to be seen faster. I don’t think so. How could I do that to my family? I owed them an in person conversation regarding this topic. I felt it was the very least I could do. I told Dr N that I would not be going that day. If my end result was to be at a cancer treatment center, then I would wait and do it the way I felt comfortable. Besides, I figured one more day wouldn’t kill me. Who knows how long this tumor has been parked up there anyway? I took some notes, got a general idea of what it was that had invaded my brain space. I finished some desk work and went to run one of my last errands at my store. I run the most amazing adult retail store in the Tampa area. I have been there since 2009 and with the company since 2007…That’s another story. I called my boss, who is also battling brain cancer but a different type. He tells me to get everything situated so my assistant can take over my day to day activities…So I head to the bank, still reeling from the news. Make my deposit and feel drained. I head back and tell my assistant, the terrible news. I called her out to my truck and have her sit with me… I lost it, I cried, I had anger, I felt a ton of emotions running through my very core. My assistant was amazing sitting there with me listening to me babble on about this condition. At one point I told her to pick up her jaw because it was literally hanging nearly to the floor. I asked for a hug and got one. I’m not that type of guy but I felt I needed one right then, right there. So I sent her off back to work. I figured I would head home and deal with all of this as it comes.
I called my mother via FaceTime and lost it. I was a little boy again looking for comfort from his mama. I called and my first words were “Mama, I have cancer” Her reply was so sad… It was like I crushed her with it. I felt terrible. I sat in the parking lot for maybe 15 minutes talking with my mom. How could I tell the rest of my family this devastating news? This would be a precursor to how the rest of the day would go. Crushing news to all who would listen.
I wanted some comfort food, and I was hungry / HUNGRY.. I went to the chicken place that is closed on Sundays. Y’all know who I’m talking about… Got a sandwich, some fries and a diet sunjoy. It was good but didn’t hit like I wanted it to. I got home and my mother in law was there… She knew I had the MRI that day and could see it in my face that something was terribly wrong. I made her swear not to say a word to anyone til I told them in person, namely my wife. I told her I had a cancerous tumor in my brain stem. She hugged me and held my arm.
Yet another person I devastated with this terrible news. 4 down, countless more to go. I’m not trying to be callous but this is how it felt. Like I was picking off one by one to ruin their lives. I have always been the type of person to hear out others problems and help them, always putting myself last. Now it’s my cross to bear. Now, I am the one with the seemingly insurmountable problem to get through.
You know how animals are little sponges? My two cats could tell something was terribly wrong. The big one kept his distance, the younger one stayed with me. They’re amazing little beasts. Very perceptive.
I then had to make a call to my wife to get her to come home. I never ask her to leave work, ever. It took me maybe 5 or 6 times to tell her to come home. She told me to tell her what was wrong and I said I wouldn’t tell her on the phone and she NEEDED to get home asap as I needed her here. She works over an hour away and is a very emotional being. I could not tell her like Dr N said and have her meet me at an emergency dept. No way could I do that. This had to be done in person. She finally gets home and I have her sit with me and there was tons of screaming in disbelief. Like screaming screaming. We processed it and are still processing it.
I asked my brother in law and sister inlaw to come over and proceeded to tell them the fateful news. My niece came by and I told her as well. Lots of tears and hugging. We made them martinis. Again I don’t drink so I just watched as they drowned their sorrows. I was present, answering any questions I could. Mind you, this was my “first day knowing.”
We had pizza.
Tumor Has It 