Author: Bruce McLarty

In a little over a week, I will be starting my chemo and radiation. What they don’t tell you is the lead-up and the emotions you face. The waiting is so hard. I just want to get started already. I’m a ball of nerves. I’ve been preparing for many possibilities. I have some protein shakes for meal replacement in case I have no appetite. I’ve gotten some vomit bags just in case of nausea. I’m nervous about whether I will have other stomach issues. I am still pretty slow getting up and around. But all of this means I am ready to head into it. I’m not sure what else to expect. I am hopeful it will just be nausea and fatigue.

I’ve been having these leg twitches. Involuntary twitches. From what we have read, this could be a focal seizure. Randomly, my right leg will twitch upwards. I’ve also had more frequent numbness in my right arm and hand. Pins and needles. These are symptoms of the tumor. I’ve let my care team know, and they just say to monitor it. They actually want me to video the twitch of my leg. It’s random; how can I film it when it happens? More twitching when I’m stressed. Less so when I’m relaxed, but it still happens intermittently. What the heck does this mean?

I took a couple of naps today. I’ve been pretty tired today. That goes with what I’m going through. Each day is different. Different sensations, different events. I try to muster through it all. It can be hard at times. I can see my own decline in certain aspects of my everyday life. I wonder what more will happen. One day at a time. Don’t dwell on these things. Power through and you’ll make it out. I’ve not tapered down the steroid this week. I don’t think it is wise to taper just yet. Each time I have tapered, I have been worse for walking and energy. Docs will just have to deal with it. I don’t want to taper. The steroids help with the headaches and the wobbliness. Last night I had a pretty bad headache. I tried to keep it to myself, but my wife could see it was bothering me. I was on the verge of tears but shed none. Today no headache or symptoms other than the tingliness of my right hand.

Let’s talk about something lighter. I found these flavored almonds, and they’re so good. I have heard about certain nuts fighting cancer cells. Pretty much any nut except my favorite nut, peanuts. So these are flavored like salted caramel churro. So yummy. It’s hard not to eat them all. Nuts fight cancer? Strange. Why not peanuts? They’re a legume apparently. The others are not. I have some cashews, almonds, and pecans to snack on. I was nervous about having them with my previous stomach issues, diverticulitis, etc.
I had a clean colonoscopy last year before my colostomy reversal. I’m hopeful I won’t have any digestive issues with eating the nuts. Just gotta be mindful of it going forward. Last thing I want is to end up in the hospital with more issues.

I had some chicken enchiladas today from the Amazon Fresh mess-up yesterday. It was a bit spicy but not too bad. I enjoyed it. I likely won’t ever order it again. It was $8 per serving. To me, that is just too expensive, especially for lunch. But free, it was fine.

Thank you for stopping by
~Bruce

Sunday. More of the same. Breakfast, coffee, news, meds. I am here. I am awake. I am alive. Take nothing for granted. I’ll be ready now. I know my time isn’t long, but I’ll be ready when my train pulls in. I listen to this song every day. I love Gary Clark Jr. It keeps everything in perspective. Time is short. Be ready for anything. Keep family and friends close. Love hard and love often, and love all.

I watched the Imola F1 race this morning. Max took the lead at turn 1 and held it all race. What a performance, what a drive. To hold off those McLaren boys was a feat in itself. Red Bull brought the upgrades and dominated. At one point, we were ahead by 15-16 seconds. Then a safety car leveled it all out at the end. A sprint finish to the end. Amazing to hear that Dutch national anthem again. It’s odd not hearing it every race. I’m really proud of Oracle Red Bull Racing winning their 400th race this weekend.

I made a turkey sandwich for lunch today. I ordered a small Costco order for the week and some Amazon Fresh as well. It appears they may have mislabeled a bag, and we received someone else’s groceries: Cold Brew 2x, carrot juice, goat milk, salad, and enchiladas. I got ahold of Amazon, and they processed a credit for us. We were missing some apples, blue cheese, Swiss, and some zero sugar peanut butter cups. We gave the cold brew and the goat milk to my brother and sister-in-law across the street. I’m just happy with my K-Cup coffee. I’ve never had cold brew, and I probably won’t try it.

We made egg bites today for the next couple of weeks. I dropped one egg on the floor. What a mess. It slipped out of my hand as I was cracking 42 eggs. Not a big deal. We have such a system to this prep now. I had the Ninja multicooker going as well as a steam pan on the stove to save time. We can cook two trays at once this way, and the stovetop is much faster and looks to produce a fluffier egg.

After the egg bite prep, I was exhausted. I came in and took a 45-minute nap while my wife talked to one of her friends in Tennessee. She’s such a calming soul, my wife’s friend. It’s nice to hear them talk and reminisce.

I’m sitting here typing, and my baby Chip came to watch over me. He can be the best boy and the worst boy. Right now, he is the best, Jerry. The best!

Thank you for stopping by
~Bruce

Tried to sleep in a bit today, but Pancake had other plans. He started pacing the bed, doing things to wake us up. Mind you, this was all starting around 4 AM. I swear this boy just wants us up, then he abandons us. He then paces over to my side, jumps down, and starts licking random things because he knows that sound will get us up and get us moving. Buddy, it’s Saturday, let us sleep. He then starts knocking on the door after we shut him out—knocking, banging, crying. Don’t wake up your brother, Chip. 5 AM comes, more of the same. 6 AM comes, and more! 7 AM, MORE! I can’t stand him at this point. I just lay there with my eyes closed. I’m not going back to sleep. I accept this. My stomach knows I’m awake. Gotta use the restroom, brush teeth, wash face, etc. I lay there. I don’t want to get up yet. 7:30 comes. Finally, I get up. He’s nowhere to be found. BRAT! We let Chip out, and they both disappear.

I make my breakfast and get my day started. Coffee tastes delicious this morning. Better than I have had in days. What’s the difference? Nothing, I prepared it the same way I always do. It just tastes extra good today. Some days, things are just better. The universe clicks in and gives you a great cup of coffee. It’s just a K-Cup, nothing special. Some hazelnut creamer, no sugar added. Nothing special, but delish.

I received a couple of Amazon orders today from friends. That was so sweet. I thanked them via text and watched some Formula 1 qualifying. Poor Yuki, crashing out in Q1. Come on RBR, at least Max was still fighting for it. The race is in Italy this weekend. I love F1. It’s my favorite sport next to football. Go Bucs!

I made my lunch today, a turkey sandwich and a few chips. This afternoon, I opted for another banana for a snack.

My neighbor sent me a playlist of some songs that helped him through his hard times. I’ll give it a listen. Another friend would send me some positive music as well. I leaned on that music a lot in the beginning.

I’ve been hearing about sound therapies busting up some cancer cells. This therapy isn’t available in Florida just yet—only California and Mexico. I’m hopeful it will be available here soon. That would be interesting to take part in. They don’t even have the proton therapy here yet until 2026.

Tonight, I’ve got some pulled rotisserie chicken breast and macaroni and cheese. I’m thinking about having buffalo chicken tonight. Let’s get a little spicy.

Chip has been absent all day. He finally shows himself to eat his breakfast at 5:12 PM. Ok, young fella, thanks for sharing the day with me. I feel the love. More Bengal Bratting.

So all in all, a quiet day today. A couple of deliveries, put those away. Texted with a few friends, talked to some family. I like these days. My wife connected with a friend on the West Coast for a few hours. I’m glad she can talk with others about what is going on. It helps her tremendously. All too often, we as patients may get wrapped up in our own BS, and our caregivers don’t get the same outlet of talk therapy. I’m grateful that she has such great friends to listen and be there. Stay positive, stay healthy, stay with it. Focus on the days ahead, one day at a time.

Thank you for stopping by for my little slice of life.
~Bruce

Today started like any other day. Wake up, breakfast, news, order processing. Any day you wake up, be grateful for that day. You are alive, breathing, and well enough to slay the day. That said, I am so thankful for the community and family around me. I get up, use the restroom, wash my hands, brush my teeth, and wash my face. Then I make my way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. My wife brings me my bowl as I’m still very unstable carrying things and using the cane. I eat my banana and take my meds. Then on to the egg bites and coffee. I watch some news and start my day. It can be boring at times, but I’m okay with the same routine. I don’t have to tell myself to be okay with a routine. I like the structure of repetitiveness.

Yesterday afternoon, our neighbors came by with some rice and pigeon peas. I love it when they bring it by. Also, she brought us some tembleque dessert. I am such a fan of it. Her son was also here. I heard the doorbell ring and made my way to the kitchen to get a refill on some ice water in my Red Bull Racing Yeti Cup. I love RBR, especially MV1; what a driver! Anyway, I heard our neighbor’s voice and slowly turned to see her and her son. I stood in the kitchen for a bit and realized this would be a longer visit. N, the son, stood in the kitchen and we talked for quite a bit. I made my way to the kitchen stool and sat, knowing I would not be able to stand for too long. We discussed what was going on with me. I told him of my diagnosis, and he shared his cancer story with me. He had Hodgkin’s lymphoma on his neck. Four months of radiation and chemo. But he did not have the option for oral chemo like I will have, so his infusions took hours through his port. Mine is just two pills to swallow an hour before my radiation. N asked if he could hug me. I said yes, but to be careful as I’m weak and wobbly. I feel God sent them to us as a blessing. A, the mother, offered to help drive me to my radiation appointments a few times. This would help me and my wife tremendously. My mother also offered to help drive me. It takes the strain off of my wife with being late to work. I am so happy to have such a strong community of friends and family behind and alongside us. Amazing, amazing people. N prayed for me and I felt wonderful afterward. Such good words were spoken and prayed. God truly has blessed me with such a great support system around me. I am forever grateful for this and so much more.

We had dinner and I had a scoop of the rice and pigeon peas. I love it. Dessert was the tembleque, kind of a coconutty custardy texture and tastes like horchata. I’ll have to look it up to see what’s in it. But let me tell you it was delicious. I love it. Last time we had some I ate it right from the dish she brought it in. This time I was civil and had a bowl. It was so good. One of my favorite things.

I’m waiting on a prescription to be delivered from my local Pharmacy. I have never had it delivered before. They require an ID and someone over 18. That’s fine, I’ll keep an eye out for it. Thankfully the app tells you when they’re arriving so I can prepare myself for the long walk from the back of the house to the front.

The baby bird has been chirping all day. I love hearing his little tweets. His voice is changing and his calls are different. But it’s him and I am so happy to hear him. I was worried the other night not hearing him. Maybe he was just too tired or maybe his parents told him to knock it off with all the chirping, who knows. Chip has been absent today. He barely came to check on me. Pancake wanted to flop down in the middle of the kitchen today when I was getting my lunch warmed up. I tried nudging him to move out of the way with my cane but it was not working. He stayed in the same spot. I had to step over him. It made me so nervous. I didn’t stumble or anything just nerves got me. I ate my lunch, cleaned my dish and took my mid day steroid. It leaves a terrible taste in my mouth. I hate the steroid tasted but appreciate what it does for me. I try to take it fast so it doesn’t linger. Do you have to let it linger?! I love that song.

Isaiah 43: 1-4

Thank you all for stopping by to take part in my day.
~~Bruce

Not much happened today. Had breakfast. Was woken up by the sound of the baby bird outside. I’m glad he’s back to tweeting each morning. I was worried about him last night. He was very quiet. Chip did not seem to mind this morning. Last night Pancake, was instigating his brother Chip at bedtime. Causing him to cry to him. We put Pancake in the room with Chip for a few. He seems to calm him down. Then we collected him and he came to bed.

Today I just watched some more Andor on Disney+. Not a big fan but a good story in the SW universe. I made some lunch today in the air fryer. It’s nice to have a hot lunch every once in a while. I didn’t feel like a PB&J Sandwich today. I did some PT exercises while my lunch was cooking in the kitchen. The cats swarmed my legs when I was in the kitchen today. They like to get in my way whenever I go in the kitchen.

I’m a bit tired today. I took a small nap after lunch and decided to bathe after the nap. I’m debating on baking some mac and cheese from Costco. We have the leftover Meatloaf tonight but I probably should cook this and be done, then maybe freeze some of it for next week. I’d hate for it to go to waste. I also forgot tomatoes on my orders this week.

So not much today. I did some work this morning and spoke with my assistant. I had a zoom call with a different doc today. Not cancer related.

Please consider helping out below.
I created this and the other registry.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/bruces-battle-inoperable-brain-cancer?lang=en_US&v=amp14_c

Thank you for stopping by
~Bruce

Hey little friend,
I hear you out there each day
Tweeting, calling to your parents
What happened to you?
I’m sad but glad your parents are sticking
around to keep you safe.
This afternoon you have been so quiet.
I hope you are ok.
You make Chip nervous and wake him up early.
It’s odd not hearing your calls today. Please be ok.

Today was a light ish day. Started with some breakfast, coffee and a banana. Watched a bit of the news. Mom came by and brought some donuts. I had a Krueller, probably shouldn’t have lol but it was good. We had lunch. Some grilled chicken and some bbq sauce. It was good. All protein.

PT came by around 12:30. He put me thru the ringer with exercises today. I broke a sweat. This annoying guy actually got mad at Chip for going near his laptop today. He yelled at my baby boy and said I need to keep a spray bottle handy. Bro, I don’t come to your house and tell you how to live, don’t come into mine and tell me how to raise my cats. I said absolutely not and I wanted to toss him out on his behind. I said that’s abuse and he wanted to go back and forth with me. I said guy, it’s traumatic for them. I would never do that. I don’t think he liked me pushing back at him. Oh well. These are MY cats not yours. They’re my babies. I will die on that hill. Try me. After all of that, we parted ways and he discharged me from home healthcare.

OT came by around 3pm. I was finishing up in the bathroom getting cleaned up from the PT. She was much nicer to Chip. She petted him and let him sniff her laptop. She didn’t once get mad or tell me how to treat my babies. She and the PT guy said I’ve come a long way since they started coming here for therapy. I’ve been doing my exercises most days when they aren’t here. Not everyday but most days. I don’t want to fall in a “hole” or anything so I keep my strength up with the exercises. I am more independent with my needs now than I was at the start. I’m bathing myself, preparing meals, light clean up with dishes after meals etc. Trying my best and darndest to do it on my own. So both “graduated” me from my therapy. So happy to be done with them. No more strangers in the house, no more snide comments about my kitties. GTFO with that nonsense. These babies are more valuable than some human life. I will defend my boys to my dying days.

I spoke with the specialty pharmacy this afternoon in regards to the TMZ chemo meds. Kind of a patient orientation to the drug. The nurse was nice, she asked about my other meds and if I had any questions regarding the dosage and schedule of taking it. Seems pretty straight forward. I can read a label and not mix it up. I just have a lot of meds to take now.

I’m typing more and more without the use of the patch. As long as I’m not too tired and can see within 18-24″ I don’t have the double vision as bad. Distance is the issue though. Anything beyond that distance above is double but not like it was after the biopsy. Each day is better. Each day I move better, see better, feel better.

I’ve started watching Andor on Disney+ It seems like a good show. Kind of slow to start and I half watched the first few episodes. But it’s gripping me. I’m in.

So I have a bit less than two weeks before the chemo and radiation start. I am so hopeful I can sail through it. One of my friends recommended some burn cream. I ordered some on Amazon. I also ordered some Nectar Hydration booster. I saw in a cancer group that it could be very beneficial after treatment to stay hydrated with this water additive. I’ll give it a go. Another of my friends sent me some protein shakes. I’m eager to try those but I’m not sure if I should save them for when I start the treatment to help with the loss of appetite. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m maintaining my positive outlook. What choice do we have as humans? Are we to sit back and sulk, not a chance. I don’t particularly care for the woe is me bs. I’d rather stay mentally fit and strong. Plus who wants that sad sack around? I sure as heck don’t.

I’m making some Costco Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes tonight with a salad. Just gotta throw that in the oven when it’s time. It should only take about 40-45 minutes. This feeds me and my wife 3 meals. I’ve been pretty good about stretching meals. Last night I cooked some salmon for the wife. It was easy just baked it in the oven. She said it was good but not like the one I make. She said this one had too much pepper etc. Kinda spicy for her. I don’t really care for fish, just lobster, scallops, shrimp and oysters. That’s the extent of my love for seafood. No fish, just shell fish for me, thanks. Idk, something about fish just rubs me wrong. I’ll tear up some shell fish though.

So that was my day, kinda annoying and almost tossed the PT guy out before my discharge but I’m so happy to be done with the appointments. Yes!!

Thank you so much for peeking into my days.
I really appreciate you all very much.
~Bruce

Well let’s start with the egg bites. They were Gold Jerry, Gold! Texture, size, mouthfeel all of it. We nailed it! Steam function is the way to go for them. I used my Ninja multi cooker and the steam function. I just have to remember to keep water in the machine otherwise it won’t steam and will take longer. I think they took about 9-11 minutes from start to finish in the multicooker. So silky and smooth. The taste was amazing, just bacon and gruyere/gouda blend. Salt, pepper, garlic and paprika. We used no fat blended cottage cheese as well as some milk.

So let’s get in to the appointment. I started out with bloodwork. They poked and prodded my arm again. This will be weekly going forward. Then, we met with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr PG. He explained what would happen today. Mask fitting, CT Simulation and scheduling the radiation, 33 treatments. Yikes! 5 days a week for 6ish weeks. My first radiation treatment is 05.27.2025 I asked after the fitting if I or they could take my pic strapped in to the mask on the table and was DENIED. I wanted to see what I looked like strapped down. But they thought differently. No pic for you!

Now let’s get into the headspace aspect of it. Right now, I’m ok. I have 2 weeks to prepare myself for this treatment schedule. The treatment duration is only about 15 minutes per radiation session. Not too bad. I am glad I won’t be there hours on end. I can have the treatment and head home and rest from it. I’ve got a great support system around me. I am so thankful for it. My wife, family, blood and in laws have stepped up so much. I couldn’t be more grateful for them or all they’ve done for me. I’m trying my best to maintain positive attitude and head space. I think I’m doing ok through it. I know I can be short at times but I’m working on that.

I’m hopeful that the double vision should go away soon. Each day is better with it. Sometimes I don’t even wear the patch anymore. I also am hopeful and pray that the balance issues will lessen as time goes on. I’d love to be able to take myself to my treatments and not rely on others but at the same token, I know I can’t drive just yet. Freedom to go anywhere and do anything stinks when it’s ripped away from you. I know I have to be patient and allow my body to heal itself on it’s own terms. There’s no rushing this. I have learned that the cancer game is a lot of hurry up and wait for this and that. I hate waiting. I can be very impatient with certain things.

So now we know when it starts. We have a plan, a schedule and I will be ready to face it head on, pun intended.
Hey Rudy, we’re coming for you. Rudy is the name I gave to my tumor. I hate Rudy, I’ve never met one or met one I’ve liked. F you Rudy. You are going down bud!

Thank you for stopping by.
~Bruce

PS, if you can check out my link to a cancer help site, anything helps, and I appreciate all who have helped thus far.
https://registry.wegotthis.org/registries/bruce-mclarty

Today was wild with the rain. Much needed as Florida has been in a severe drought. I worried about the family driving today. Lots of accidents on the news. Mom came up and hung out this morning til my PT got here. We had a nice chopped salad from somewhere, I can’t remember where she got it. It was good, nice and fresh ingredients. I had a couple of crackers after. The rain has since subsided and it’s sunny out. There’s a baby bird outside the window tweeting up a storm. I hope he’s ok. Chip has been nervous about him. He’s been tweeting for a couple days now. I see his parents swoop down to check on him. I’m not sure what happened with him but his presence is known.

So I had my penultimate PT appointment today. Lots of seated and standing exercises. I broke a sweat with it again today. The PT guy said I am improving. Practice makes perfect. Tomorrow will be the first appointment for bloodwork and CT Simulation for the chemo and radiation therapy. Still nervous to do this but will attack it head on.

We finished the last of lasts weeks egg bites today. I can’t wait to try the new method tomorrow. I’m tempted to have one to try but don’t want to break into them just yet. They’re calling me in. I know it’s just some breakfast food but we have been trying to find that perfect bite. Texturally and look wise they seem perfect. It’s all about that mouth feel though.

My balance has been somewhat better today being on a higher dose of the steroid this morning. I’m hopeful to stay on this dose but I know my Oncologist wants to taper off them. I’m not too sure about a full taper off. I’ve read many stories online in FB Support groups of people tapering off and having a seizure. This is not something I want to deal with. If I seize up, no driving for 6 months minimum. That would suck. I still haven’t driven since my biopsy. I won’t allow myself, let alone my family won’t let me. I know what is best and I am in no position to even sit behind the wheel. It’s killing me not having that freedom to go anywhere and do anything. I haven’t even ridden in my jeep since the biopsy. It’s just easier to get in the wife’s car to go places rather than climb up in the Gladiator, Rooster.

I watched a couple of Youtube videos with my mom today. I like this one travel blogger, Kurt Caz. He went to Iraq in one of the videos. Wild stuff.

Not much else happened today, hang with mom, lunch, PT and now this typing. Got some work done this morning. Plenty of spam calls came through, how annoying. I answer them though because I don’t know which is spam or doctors. I’m hoping I don’t have to fast tomorrow. Bloodwork is at 1pm. I figure if I eat early like 5am, I should be fine if it is fasting. Fasting is usually nothing after midnight right? So if I eat at 5am, and my appointment is at 1pm that should be plenty of time between. I’ll ask my team today.

Thank you for stopping by
~Bruce

Today started with cats screaming to wake us up. Chip wanted to get up at 6am. Baby boy, it’s Sunday, we’re trying to sleep just a bit longer. Pancake was banging on our door to come in around 7am. Come on boys, let us sleep. Not happening. They’re so spoiled. I got up and brushed my teeth. Got my breakfast ready and they just left us alone. Not even a cool morning hang. Thanks guys, I appreciate you just wanting us awake. Next time, let us sleep.

Scanxiety had my mind going all night. I was honestly surprised I got any sleep period. My mind was racing with thoughts of the tumor growing or migrating to my spine. Well guess what!??! No change in size, extent or appearance! It’s stable once again. Unremarkable findings. Woo hoo! I’m so happy! I was nervous as can be opening up my patient portal and checking my radiology results this morning. I was grinning ear to ear reading it. I know I’m still super early on this journey but no change in size etc is just what I needed to see.

We made more bacon and gouda egg bites today. This time we used the ninja multicooker on a steam function. This is the key to the texture we have been looking for. Slow steam about 11-15 minutes. Silky, spongey and soft. I can’t wait to try them. It’s not that the other ways we tried were wrong, they were also delicious. This is the way we were expecting them to come out.

Tomorrow, my mom is coming up to hang out a bit. My chemo meds should deliver tomorrow. Tuesday, I have pre chemo/radiation bloodwork and a CT Simulation and possible mask fitting.

Happy Mother’s Day ladies! Enjoy today, it is yours. We all appreciate our wives and mothers. We know how hard you work to take care of us and love us.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce