Author: Bruce McLarty

Let’s go back to the 80’s. I’m riding my bike through the large front yard where we lived. My little sis and I would cross through two trees and say it was a time machine. There was a huge canal to our right. Very deep, maybe 10 feet by 6 feet wide. Some neighbors would use these vines to swing across the canal. I was a skinny little thing then. I was too afraid to swing across, so any ball or anything of the sort stayed there. The lot next to us was empty. Lots of cows behind in a pasture from my stepdads Uncle WP. There was a swamp lake in the center behind us. Step would tell us that Jason lived there and to stay away. It was like a mini Crystal Lake. Covered in green foliage/moss. I don’t know exactly what it was. My grandaddy lived behind us in a small camper trailer with his dog Rocket. He would run and run.

Rocket was a cool dog. He would chase us and bark as we rode by. We also had a trampoline back there. During the rain we would get some dish soap and slip and slide all over the trampoline. Dangerous but fun. Once my brother fell off and sprained his arm. It was funny but painful. When I was much younger at a different house we were shooting bb guns and I was standing there. The bb ricocheted off a plastic bucket and caught me below the eye. You’ll shoot your eye out. I felt it. My mom and granny had a church meeting or something happening and we had to interrupt it with a bloody and swollen face/eye.

At the time of this I was maybe 7. My sis was 5-6. She at the time, was my unexpected guide. I thought this was the coolest time machine. Riding as fast as we could splitting these two trees on the drive in. There were loads of snakes around. Glass black snakes. Once our dog Bud, a stray english mastiff, grabbed a snake and shook it. Scary, we were freaked out. We never saw him do this before. It was insane. We would go out and ride many many times through the time machine. It was such fun.

Memories can trigger passages of time that you had forgotten. Just seeing or hearing this can take you back. Way back. almost 40 years back. I remember my BMX, it was grey with white tires and grey plates on the spokes. Hard white seat, I hated that seat. My sis had a Rainbow Brite bike with streamers on the bars. I thought it was the fastest bike at the time. She was a powerhouse riding it through the dirt and gravel drive. If I asked her, I know for a fact she’d remember the time machine. We haven’t spoken about this in that many years. I know her memories would flood back to those days of riding and riding. FUN TIMES!

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

Today was a good day. I had the day off basically. I started with my morning routine. Got dressed, bathed, and checked my email. Nothing to do today.

Today I texted my wife that I needed more shirts with a pocket on the chest. I found that I can carry some nuts—almonds, cashews, and pecans—in my shirt pocket, i.e., pocket nuts. She laughed and said that would be a good title today. So Pocket Nuts it is. I once saw a guy on FB talking about pocket cilantro. I thought it was funny. He said if you carry around herbs or something in your pocket, it is easier to access when going somewhere without a container or pocket. I thought that was genius, so I took the idea for Pocket Nuts. I only have a couple of shirts with pockets. I did mix some pecans and cashews today in a container because I had no pocket for my nuts.

My day today was alone. I always keep my cell in my pocket in case I have an accident or fall or something. I always use my cane. I made lunch myself, heated up some rotisserie chicken and some hot sauce. Like a boneless wing, basically. Yummy. No family to hang with today. Mom stayed home. My in-laws, who are normally off on a Wednesday, had a few appointments scheduled as it is their only day off to complete their tasks, etc.

The boys stayed away, only to check on me twice each so far. Normally at this time they’re in the front room in a sun patch shining in the window. They should be on their way in here soon as the sun starts setting. It’s been so hot out lately. Yesterday it neared 100 degrees. Today, no rain in sight, so it will be in the upper 90s as well. It seems like this could be the hottest part of the year for Florida. The weatherman said this morning it may make for a more active hurricane season. Ugh! It’s not nearly this hot during the active season. This could be the hottest part of summer as well. We aren’t even in summer yet.

I finished Ted Lasso yesterday. What was that ending? I hope that’s not the last season. I’ve been watching Government Cheese. It’s better than the beginning episodes. I think it was just a slow burn.

The RSO capsules have really been helping me sleep through the night. I take a capsule. It helps me drift off into la-la land.

Then we watch some old King of Queens episodes and zzz. She’s so mean to him on there. I can’t stand Carrie. My favorite characters are Arthur and Spence. Comedy gold. I used to always watch Seinfeld, but this is fast becoming a new favorite of mine. I can still quote Seinfeld like my in-laws quote Christmas Vacation or My Cousin Vinny. I’ve seen all the Seinfeld episodes at least 20 times each. I laugh at them like they’re new to this day. Still a top for me. My all-time favorite is Star Trek: TNG. It’s so nostalgic for me. My older brother got me into this show when I was 7. I’ve watched every episode many times. I used to tape it all the time and watch at night. BBC America has since quit playing it.

Light Day, Pocket Nuts

Stay safe everyone, thank you for stopping by to read about my day!
~Bruce

I’ve started a gofundme page as linked below. The funds will help me purchase groceries and supplies during the chemo and radiation period. Please consider helping if you can. It really is appreciated.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/bruces-battle-inoperable-brain-cancer

Or you can donate here to a cancer registry for patients.

https://registry.wegotthis.org/registries/bruce-mclarty

This link allows me to purchase groceries as well via Amazon links and no fees. Thank you so much.

Hey everyone, slow day today. Let’s change it up a bit.
I was thinking about little things that make you happy or bring you joy. For me it’s the following.

Routine:
I enjoy having a routine. It keeps me focused and motivated to what is in store for me. Keeping a routine allows me to keep my head down, not worry about things that can come up out of your control. It keeps you grounded. It can be boring to some but provide structure to others. I am in the others category. My routine is simple. You should know my morning starts by now, wake up, restroom, wash up, eat, watch some news and start my day.

Cats:
I love my furry boys. I have always been a cat person. I’ve had dogs in my day, but cats as bratty as they are, are right in my wheelhouse. They can be annoying, not listen, stubborn, willful jerks. Bengals are a breed of all of this and more. They’re like little dogs that won’t listen. They’re like permanent toddlers. They are so stubborn. I love every moment with them even the trying times. The times where Chip is such a brat when we eat dinner and nothing will calm him. I would not trade a moment of it, no matter how stressed he can get me.

Family:
Seeing my family after diagnosis is completely different than before. It seems that there is more compassion, love and understanding than there was before. Maybe it’s not like that but that’s how I perceive it. I feel closer since this diagnosis. I feel relationships are stronger, conversations are longer, and deeper. Just different.

Spouse:
I am so connected to my wife. More so than ever. She has been a rock for me. Taking care of my every need. Even the smallest thing like carrying a cup of coffee for me. It brings me such joy seeing this. When I see her walk in after work I’m all smiles. I know the person I love is home and here to see me and take care of me. It’s not just the things and tasks performed. It’s all encompassing. Every little thing she do is Magic. Sting

Sustenance:
Even food tastes better after diagnosis. I don’t understand it. I enjoy it more. Water tastes cleaner. Ice feels colder. Sweets are sweeter. Lemonade more lemonadier lol.
I enjoy preparing the ready made meals I get delivered in but it’s not the same as when I could cook fully. But it still brings me joy to prepare and eat.

Well that was a good writing exercise. Thank you for stopping by to share my day. All I really did today was my morning routine, followed by a hang with mom. Then she took me for some bloodwork at the Cancer Center. We came back and started watching a podcast on YouTube. Light day for sure. I like the light days.

~Bruce

In a little over a week, I will be starting my chemo and radiation. What they don’t tell you is the lead-up and the emotions you face. The waiting is so hard. I just want to get started already. I’m a ball of nerves. I’ve been preparing for many possibilities. I have some protein shakes for meal replacement in case I have no appetite. I’ve gotten some vomit bags just in case of nausea. I’m nervous about whether I will have other stomach issues. I am still pretty slow getting up and around. But all of this means I am ready to head into it. I’m not sure what else to expect. I am hopeful it will just be nausea and fatigue.

I’ve been having these leg twitches. Involuntary twitches. From what we have read, this could be a focal seizure. Randomly, my right leg will twitch upwards. I’ve also had more frequent numbness in my right arm and hand. Pins and needles. These are symptoms of the tumor. I’ve let my care team know, and they just say to monitor it. They actually want me to video the twitch of my leg. It’s random; how can I film it when it happens? More twitching when I’m stressed. Less so when I’m relaxed, but it still happens intermittently. What the heck does this mean?

I took a couple of naps today. I’ve been pretty tired today. That goes with what I’m going through. Each day is different. Different sensations, different events. I try to muster through it all. It can be hard at times. I can see my own decline in certain aspects of my everyday life. I wonder what more will happen. One day at a time. Don’t dwell on these things. Power through and you’ll make it out. I’ve not tapered down the steroid this week. I don’t think it is wise to taper just yet. Each time I have tapered, I have been worse for walking and energy. Docs will just have to deal with it. I don’t want to taper. The steroids help with the headaches and the wobbliness. Last night I had a pretty bad headache. I tried to keep it to myself, but my wife could see it was bothering me. I was on the verge of tears but shed none. Today no headache or symptoms other than the tingliness of my right hand.

Let’s talk about something lighter. I found these flavored almonds, and they’re so good. I have heard about certain nuts fighting cancer cells. Pretty much any nut except my favorite nut, peanuts. So these are flavored like salted caramel churro. So yummy. It’s hard not to eat them all. Nuts fight cancer? Strange. Why not peanuts? They’re a legume apparently. The others are not. I have some cashews, almonds, and pecans to snack on. I was nervous about having them with my previous stomach issues, diverticulitis, etc.
I had a clean colonoscopy last year before my colostomy reversal. I’m hopeful I won’t have any digestive issues with eating the nuts. Just gotta be mindful of it going forward. Last thing I want is to end up in the hospital with more issues.

I had some chicken enchiladas today from the Amazon Fresh mess-up yesterday. It was a bit spicy but not too bad. I enjoyed it. I likely won’t ever order it again. It was $8 per serving. To me, that is just too expensive, especially for lunch. But free, it was fine.

Thank you for stopping by
~Bruce

Sunday. More of the same. Breakfast, coffee, news, meds. I am here. I am awake. I am alive. Take nothing for granted. I’ll be ready now. I know my time isn’t long, but I’ll be ready when my train pulls in. I listen to this song every day. I love Gary Clark Jr. It keeps everything in perspective. Time is short. Be ready for anything. Keep family and friends close. Love hard and love often, and love all.

I watched the Imola F1 race this morning. Max took the lead at turn 1 and held it all race. What a performance, what a drive. To hold off those McLaren boys was a feat in itself. Red Bull brought the upgrades and dominated. At one point, we were ahead by 15-16 seconds. Then a safety car leveled it all out at the end. A sprint finish to the end. Amazing to hear that Dutch national anthem again. It’s odd not hearing it every race. I’m really proud of Oracle Red Bull Racing winning their 400th race this weekend.

I made a turkey sandwich for lunch today. I ordered a small Costco order for the week and some Amazon Fresh as well. It appears they may have mislabeled a bag, and we received someone else’s groceries: Cold Brew 2x, carrot juice, goat milk, salad, and enchiladas. I got ahold of Amazon, and they processed a credit for us. We were missing some apples, blue cheese, Swiss, and some zero sugar peanut butter cups. We gave the cold brew and the goat milk to my brother and sister-in-law across the street. I’m just happy with my K-Cup coffee. I’ve never had cold brew, and I probably won’t try it.

We made egg bites today for the next couple of weeks. I dropped one egg on the floor. What a mess. It slipped out of my hand as I was cracking 42 eggs. Not a big deal. We have such a system to this prep now. I had the Ninja multicooker going as well as a steam pan on the stove to save time. We can cook two trays at once this way, and the stovetop is much faster and looks to produce a fluffier egg.

After the egg bite prep, I was exhausted. I came in and took a 45-minute nap while my wife talked to one of her friends in Tennessee. She’s such a calming soul, my wife’s friend. It’s nice to hear them talk and reminisce.

I’m sitting here typing, and my baby Chip came to watch over me. He can be the best boy and the worst boy. Right now, he is the best, Jerry. The best!

Thank you for stopping by
~Bruce

Tried to sleep in a bit today, but Pancake had other plans. He started pacing the bed, doing things to wake us up. Mind you, this was all starting around 4 AM. I swear this boy just wants us up, then he abandons us. He then paces over to my side, jumps down, and starts licking random things because he knows that sound will get us up and get us moving. Buddy, it’s Saturday, let us sleep. He then starts knocking on the door after we shut him out—knocking, banging, crying. Don’t wake up your brother, Chip. 5 AM comes, more of the same. 6 AM comes, and more! 7 AM, MORE! I can’t stand him at this point. I just lay there with my eyes closed. I’m not going back to sleep. I accept this. My stomach knows I’m awake. Gotta use the restroom, brush teeth, wash face, etc. I lay there. I don’t want to get up yet. 7:30 comes. Finally, I get up. He’s nowhere to be found. BRAT! We let Chip out, and they both disappear.

I make my breakfast and get my day started. Coffee tastes delicious this morning. Better than I have had in days. What’s the difference? Nothing, I prepared it the same way I always do. It just tastes extra good today. Some days, things are just better. The universe clicks in and gives you a great cup of coffee. It’s just a K-Cup, nothing special. Some hazelnut creamer, no sugar added. Nothing special, but delish.

I received a couple of Amazon orders today from friends. That was so sweet. I thanked them via text and watched some Formula 1 qualifying. Poor Yuki, crashing out in Q1. Come on RBR, at least Max was still fighting for it. The race is in Italy this weekend. I love F1. It’s my favorite sport next to football. Go Bucs!

I made my lunch today, a turkey sandwich and a few chips. This afternoon, I opted for another banana for a snack.

My neighbor sent me a playlist of some songs that helped him through his hard times. I’ll give it a listen. Another friend would send me some positive music as well. I leaned on that music a lot in the beginning.

I’ve been hearing about sound therapies busting up some cancer cells. This therapy isn’t available in Florida just yet—only California and Mexico. I’m hopeful it will be available here soon. That would be interesting to take part in. They don’t even have the proton therapy here yet until 2026.

Tonight, I’ve got some pulled rotisserie chicken breast and macaroni and cheese. I’m thinking about having buffalo chicken tonight. Let’s get a little spicy.

Chip has been absent all day. He finally shows himself to eat his breakfast at 5:12 PM. Ok, young fella, thanks for sharing the day with me. I feel the love. More Bengal Bratting.

So all in all, a quiet day today. A couple of deliveries, put those away. Texted with a few friends, talked to some family. I like these days. My wife connected with a friend on the West Coast for a few hours. I’m glad she can talk with others about what is going on. It helps her tremendously. All too often, we as patients may get wrapped up in our own BS, and our caregivers don’t get the same outlet of talk therapy. I’m grateful that she has such great friends to listen and be there. Stay positive, stay healthy, stay with it. Focus on the days ahead, one day at a time.

Thank you for stopping by for my little slice of life.
~Bruce

Today started like any other day. Wake up, breakfast, news, order processing. Any day you wake up, be grateful for that day. You are alive, breathing, and well enough to slay the day. That said, I am so thankful for the community and family around me. I get up, use the restroom, wash my hands, brush my teeth, and wash my face. Then I make my way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. My wife brings me my bowl as I’m still very unstable carrying things and using the cane. I eat my banana and take my meds. Then on to the egg bites and coffee. I watch some news and start my day. It can be boring at times, but I’m okay with the same routine. I don’t have to tell myself to be okay with a routine. I like the structure of repetitiveness.

Yesterday afternoon, our neighbors came by with some rice and pigeon peas. I love it when they bring it by. Also, she brought us some tembleque dessert. I am such a fan of it. Her son was also here. I heard the doorbell ring and made my way to the kitchen to get a refill on some ice water in my Red Bull Racing Yeti Cup. I love RBR, especially MV1; what a driver! Anyway, I heard our neighbor’s voice and slowly turned to see her and her son. I stood in the kitchen for a bit and realized this would be a longer visit. N, the son, stood in the kitchen and we talked for quite a bit. I made my way to the kitchen stool and sat, knowing I would not be able to stand for too long. We discussed what was going on with me. I told him of my diagnosis, and he shared his cancer story with me. He had Hodgkin’s lymphoma on his neck. Four months of radiation and chemo. But he did not have the option for oral chemo like I will have, so his infusions took hours through his port. Mine is just two pills to swallow an hour before my radiation. N asked if he could hug me. I said yes, but to be careful as I’m weak and wobbly. I feel God sent them to us as a blessing. A, the mother, offered to help drive me to my radiation appointments a few times. This would help me and my wife tremendously. My mother also offered to help drive me. It takes the strain off of my wife with being late to work. I am so happy to have such a strong community of friends and family behind and alongside us. Amazing, amazing people. N prayed for me and I felt wonderful afterward. Such good words were spoken and prayed. God truly has blessed me with such a great support system around me. I am forever grateful for this and so much more.

We had dinner and I had a scoop of the rice and pigeon peas. I love it. Dessert was the tembleque, kind of a coconutty custardy texture and tastes like horchata. I’ll have to look it up to see what’s in it. But let me tell you it was delicious. I love it. Last time we had some I ate it right from the dish she brought it in. This time I was civil and had a bowl. It was so good. One of my favorite things.

I’m waiting on a prescription to be delivered from my local Pharmacy. I have never had it delivered before. They require an ID and someone over 18. That’s fine, I’ll keep an eye out for it. Thankfully the app tells you when they’re arriving so I can prepare myself for the long walk from the back of the house to the front.

The baby bird has been chirping all day. I love hearing his little tweets. His voice is changing and his calls are different. But it’s him and I am so happy to hear him. I was worried the other night not hearing him. Maybe he was just too tired or maybe his parents told him to knock it off with all the chirping, who knows. Chip has been absent today. He barely came to check on me. Pancake wanted to flop down in the middle of the kitchen today when I was getting my lunch warmed up. I tried nudging him to move out of the way with my cane but it was not working. He stayed in the same spot. I had to step over him. It made me so nervous. I didn’t stumble or anything just nerves got me. I ate my lunch, cleaned my dish and took my mid day steroid. It leaves a terrible taste in my mouth. I hate the steroid tasted but appreciate what it does for me. I try to take it fast so it doesn’t linger. Do you have to let it linger?! I love that song.

Isaiah 43: 1-4

Thank you all for stopping by to take part in my day.
~~Bruce

Not much happened today. Had breakfast. Was woken up by the sound of the baby bird outside. I’m glad he’s back to tweeting each morning. I was worried about him last night. He was very quiet. Chip did not seem to mind this morning. Last night Pancake, was instigating his brother Chip at bedtime. Causing him to cry to him. We put Pancake in the room with Chip for a few. He seems to calm him down. Then we collected him and he came to bed.

Today I just watched some more Andor on Disney+. Not a big fan but a good story in the SW universe. I made some lunch today in the air fryer. It’s nice to have a hot lunch every once in a while. I didn’t feel like a PB&J Sandwich today. I did some PT exercises while my lunch was cooking in the kitchen. The cats swarmed my legs when I was in the kitchen today. They like to get in my way whenever I go in the kitchen.

I’m a bit tired today. I took a small nap after lunch and decided to bathe after the nap. I’m debating on baking some mac and cheese from Costco. We have the leftover Meatloaf tonight but I probably should cook this and be done, then maybe freeze some of it for next week. I’d hate for it to go to waste. I also forgot tomatoes on my orders this week.

So not much today. I did some work this morning and spoke with my assistant. I had a zoom call with a different doc today. Not cancer related.

Please consider helping out below.
I created this and the other registry.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/bruces-battle-inoperable-brain-cancer?lang=en_US&v=amp14_c

Thank you for stopping by
~Bruce

Hey little friend,
I hear you out there each day
Tweeting, calling to your parents
What happened to you?
I’m sad but glad your parents are sticking
around to keep you safe.
This afternoon you have been so quiet.
I hope you are ok.
You make Chip nervous and wake him up early.
It’s odd not hearing your calls today. Please be ok.

Today was a light ish day. Started with some breakfast, coffee and a banana. Watched a bit of the news. Mom came by and brought some donuts. I had a Krueller, probably shouldn’t have lol but it was good. We had lunch. Some grilled chicken and some bbq sauce. It was good. All protein.

PT came by around 12:30. He put me thru the ringer with exercises today. I broke a sweat. This annoying guy actually got mad at Chip for going near his laptop today. He yelled at my baby boy and said I need to keep a spray bottle handy. Bro, I don’t come to your house and tell you how to live, don’t come into mine and tell me how to raise my cats. I said absolutely not and I wanted to toss him out on his behind. I said that’s abuse and he wanted to go back and forth with me. I said guy, it’s traumatic for them. I would never do that. I don’t think he liked me pushing back at him. Oh well. These are MY cats not yours. They’re my babies. I will die on that hill. Try me. After all of that, we parted ways and he discharged me from home healthcare.

OT came by around 3pm. I was finishing up in the bathroom getting cleaned up from the PT. She was much nicer to Chip. She petted him and let him sniff her laptop. She didn’t once get mad or tell me how to treat my babies. She and the PT guy said I’ve come a long way since they started coming here for therapy. I’ve been doing my exercises most days when they aren’t here. Not everyday but most days. I don’t want to fall in a “hole” or anything so I keep my strength up with the exercises. I am more independent with my needs now than I was at the start. I’m bathing myself, preparing meals, light clean up with dishes after meals etc. Trying my best and darndest to do it on my own. So both “graduated” me from my therapy. So happy to be done with them. No more strangers in the house, no more snide comments about my kitties. GTFO with that nonsense. These babies are more valuable than some human life. I will defend my boys to my dying days.

I spoke with the specialty pharmacy this afternoon in regards to the TMZ chemo meds. Kind of a patient orientation to the drug. The nurse was nice, she asked about my other meds and if I had any questions regarding the dosage and schedule of taking it. Seems pretty straight forward. I can read a label and not mix it up. I just have a lot of meds to take now.

I’m typing more and more without the use of the patch. As long as I’m not too tired and can see within 18-24″ I don’t have the double vision as bad. Distance is the issue though. Anything beyond that distance above is double but not like it was after the biopsy. Each day is better. Each day I move better, see better, feel better.

I’ve started watching Andor on Disney+ It seems like a good show. Kind of slow to start and I half watched the first few episodes. But it’s gripping me. I’m in.

So I have a bit less than two weeks before the chemo and radiation start. I am so hopeful I can sail through it. One of my friends recommended some burn cream. I ordered some on Amazon. I also ordered some Nectar Hydration booster. I saw in a cancer group that it could be very beneficial after treatment to stay hydrated with this water additive. I’ll give it a go. Another of my friends sent me some protein shakes. I’m eager to try those but I’m not sure if I should save them for when I start the treatment to help with the loss of appetite. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m maintaining my positive outlook. What choice do we have as humans? Are we to sit back and sulk, not a chance. I don’t particularly care for the woe is me bs. I’d rather stay mentally fit and strong. Plus who wants that sad sack around? I sure as heck don’t.

I’m making some Costco Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes tonight with a salad. Just gotta throw that in the oven when it’s time. It should only take about 40-45 minutes. This feeds me and my wife 3 meals. I’ve been pretty good about stretching meals. Last night I cooked some salmon for the wife. It was easy just baked it in the oven. She said it was good but not like the one I make. She said this one had too much pepper etc. Kinda spicy for her. I don’t really care for fish, just lobster, scallops, shrimp and oysters. That’s the extent of my love for seafood. No fish, just shell fish for me, thanks. Idk, something about fish just rubs me wrong. I’ll tear up some shell fish though.

So that was my day, kinda annoying and almost tossed the PT guy out before my discharge but I’m so happy to be done with the appointments. Yes!!

Thank you so much for peeking into my days.
I really appreciate you all very much.
~Bruce