Making the most of an inoperable situation.

The countdown has begun. Well, technically, I have been counting down since day one 🙂 But the last four should go by quickly. I am glad to be counting down to being un-microwaved. Sometimes I feel a warmth during the radiation. Today was one of those days. Felt like I was getting cooked. Friday will be the 4th of July. No treatment appointment. Still daily chemo meds. I had some blood work today. I didn’t get to see my rad friends today. The receptionist we like asked where my feisty redhead was. I said Tuesday and Wednesday it’s my mom’s days to drive me. I texted my wife and she laughed.

Forget weed — my brain’s literally getting baked on the regular. Still no superpowers. Rude. I do take an RSO capsule at night. I’ve read where it can help with tumors and cancer.

I gave my tech the Egg Bite recipe. She was happy with it. I forgot to put the cottage cheese in the directions, so I had to handwrite it. I hate my handwriting. I was never good at penmanship. Especially now. My handwriting is worse. Legible but worse. Oh well, what can you do? The tech said she wanted to try them this weekend since she has a long weekend.

I have a bit of writer’s block today with the brain fog. The zappy zap gets me some days. I’m glad it doesn’t happen at each appointment.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

As this time comes to a close, I am left with a feeling of happiness and sadness. What do I expect next? How will I fill my mornings? Do I adopt a new routine? These questions have answers, but I don’t have them yet.

I saw some radiation friends today. It’s wonderful what a simple smile can bring you. I see this older couple at each appointment. We never really chatted before, just smiles and glances exchanged in passing at the treatment center. Today, we spoke, and I told them next Tuesday, July 8th, is my last appointment. He has to go until the end of July. There were a few other people at the center, and they heard our conversation. One lady was all smiles as I was telling the couple about my last day. I told them theirs would fly by, or at least I hoped it would, like mine did. The wife mentioned their times were changed, and they worried they would not see me anymore. It’s nice to have made a positive impact on a would-be stranger. All I ever did was smile and wave when they would arrive. Little things cause big waves.

I was wheeled back to a holding area. Another patient I just met last week asked how my day was, and I told her it was just getting started. She said she had a full day of appointments after radiation at the other campus: doctor appointment, blood work, MRI, CT—the whole magilla. I told her it was nice to see her and that she had a full plate today. I also mentioned my last day. We only ever said hello and laughed at another patient’s story about how there is no original thought left in Hollywood, which I tend to agree with. Too many remakes, sequels, and no originality any longer. He also made us laugh by using a term to describe little people that is no longer PC. We were laughing so hard that day at his absurdity. Anyway, she was also in the holding area waiting to be brought back for some zappy zap. I told my wife about the exchange and who it was, and she chuckled.

My dizziness isn’t as bad as it’s been the last couple of days. I did miss a steroid this weekend. I don’t think that had to do with the increased vertigo. I think the radiation is just catching up to me, and this weekend was a bit trying. Today has been easier. I had my zapping and came home. I saw my “friends” at the place, did some light work for my job, had lunch, and a juicy Georgia peach. I had a couple of mini donuts and watched a movie. It rained most of the morning, and now it’s sunny. Chip came to hang with me. He’s asleep at the moment. Normal for him at this time. I’m going to make a frozen lasagna tonight from Costco. It’s pretty good. Last night I didn’t really feel like cooking, so I made a strawberry salad like last week: spring mix, strawberries, cucumbers, tomatoes, chicken, sunflower seeds, and some raspberry vinaigrette. I prepped my egg bites yesterday afternoon. That was easy and quick. I can’t wait to try them.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

I got to sleep in until 7:30 am today. The boys let us. No crying or meowing to come out early. Chip has been getting up at 4 am for the past 3 days. Thanks, Chip.

The race was in Styria today. The Red Bull Ring. One of my favorite tracks. The 4th smallest track of the season. Pre-race coverage started at 7:30 AM. I got up and got ready, done by 8 AM. I started watching pre-race coverage. No Crofty, no Brundle. B team on deck. I don’t mind them. Harry Benjamin is a good announcer. Karun Chandhok brings some race experience as a former driver. Crofty can be annoying at times with his inadequate calls and misinformation. I did miss Martin Brundle’s gridwalk. No one does it like him. Ted Kravitz needs to stay in the pit lane with his notebook.

Formation Lap, Carlos Sainz could not get his car out of first gear. He was stuck on the grid. The marshals got him going. Since this happened, he would have to start from the pit lane. Well, guess what? His rear brakes lit on fire. All ablaze. Carlos did not start. Immediate retire. Since it was an aborted start, they had a 10-minute delay to reset cars and take away a lap. 71 becomes 70 laps. Lights out and away we go. Max started 7th due to a yellow flag caused by a Gasly spin in Quali 3. It’s an all-out drag race down to turn 1. The front 6 get away clean. Kimi Antonelli (Mercedes rookie, great driver) locks up and goes into Max Verstappen. Both cars out. Bummer, my racing driver is out. No help from driver 2 Tsunoda. He started 18th and won’t be of any help. The two McLarens were free to race, and it has been a spectacle. Papaya Rules are in place. Race finished McLaren 1, 2 with Charles LeClerc’s Ferrari in 3rd.

Race done by 11:30 am. Made a bologna sandwich and had some chips. Rested a bit and started on some egg bites. Keep that recipe from yesterday; they’re good. I recently ordered some extra steamer baskets to top our pots. This allows us to make more bites at once, cutting our time down. I want to get one more steam pot to make four at once. Two of the bites broke, so we sampled them. Amazing flavor. We have the recipe down pat.

The last couple of days, my dizziness has been awful. As soon as I stand up, I’m floored by the spins. I take my time and go easy as I make my way to wherever I may roam.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

I’ve been asked to write this out, so here we go.
This will yield about 46 egg bites. I eat 2/day and so does my wife.

Ingredients:
18 eggs
32 oz egg whites (2 cartons)
12 oz parmesan
1/4 cup milk
7 oz shredded cheese blend (Gruyère, cheddar mix), plus more for molds
Cholula to taste; we use about 4 tbsp
Seasoning blend: salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika
Bacon bits; not sure of an amount, as I sprinkle it in the molds (we use the big bag from Costco)
Cornstarch: 2 tbsp; this is a textural component; it will not give a flavor change.

Procedure:
Crack eggs into a large bowl.
Pour in egg whites.
Add seasonings, Parmesan, cheese blend, hot sauce, and milk.
Using an immersion blender or stick blender, whiz up until homogeneous and well blended.

Cooking:
Ladle the mixture into a measuring cup; this is easier and less messy to pour into the molds. I use the Instant Pot molds. There are 7 per tray. Sprinkle a bit of cheese and bacon into the bottom of the molds. Pour in the egg mixture about 3/4 full.

I use a steaming pot, so I add water and bring it to a boil. Carefully place the molds in the steamer baskets of the steam pots. I do two pots at a time, and I recently bought two more steam trays to cut our time down.
Cover and steam for about 15-18 minutes. I check them with a fork by pulling the edge to the center to make sure the eggs are formed and not liquidy. Once done, we dump them into a disposable 9×13 aluminum pan to cool. Start your next set of 7 in the mold. Once cool, we bag them up in a gallon freezer bag.

Heating and Storage:
These will keep in the fridge for 3-4 days or 3 weeks in the freezer. To reheat from the fridge, it’s about 65 seconds in the microwave. From frozen, 90 seconds to 2 minutes in the microwave. They can be watery when you bite them. Drain them off when done in the microwave. Have a napkin for your chin, lol.

These are cheaper than buying the Starbucks or Costco sous vide egg bites. About 32 cents per bite vs. $5 for 2 at Starbucks and Costco.

What to say, another week done and dusted. I can’t believe the time has flown by in this manner. I truly thought it would drag on and on; the chemo and radiation. I am on this home stretch. I have stayed positive through it all. It helps keep a good mindset and healing vibe.

Today the tech asked my plans for the weekend. Not much Saturday. It is race week (race week) so quali Saturday, race Sunday. Other than that, meal prep. She asked what I meal prep. I told her breakfast egg bites. She asked for my recipe. That will be on my list this weekend also. 6-minute radiation cycles are awesome. I am so glad I also take oral chemo. I am glad I don’t have infusion chemo; that would keep me there 4-6 hours a day rather than 10 seconds for popping two chemo pills.

I’m hungry, I’m gonna go have lunch now,

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

I messaged my care team about what happens after my radiation ends. Do I still take chemo? What next? She messaged back, and I can stop my chemo pills on my last day of radiation. That’s exciting for me. I’ll have 4 weeks off, then go for an MRI and a doctor’s appointment with my Medical Oncologist. I still will have weekly blood work.

So what does all this mean to me? Side effects have been minimal. I did notice some hair loss on my left leg. That’s weird. Maybe it was always like that? Maybe it’s from the radiation/chemo. Not sure. My skin is as dry as can be. I lotion up when I can remember.

I will still get up early and take my other meds. I still have to take a few prescriptions. I’ll have more time at home each day. It’s an hour or so. The routine has become second nature to me. I’m hoping the wobbles and vertigo subside after this is done. Though I do feel it’s more from the biopsy.

Yesterday and last night, I had my own little Star Trek marathon. I watched a few TNG season 5 episodes. My favorite episode, “Inner Light,” was on. I also enjoy “I, Borg.” That’s a great episode as well.

So some exciting news from my care team. I’m happy about that.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

I saw two patients today ring the bell. It was nice. They finished their treatment at the Radiation Center. Such happy faces on them. Everyone in the lobby clapped and cheered. The staff rallied around them during their momentous occasion. There were going to be 6 total today.

I can’t wait til I can ring the bell I never knew I would need to. Only 8 more now! I saw my senior friend today at treatment. I asked how he was and how many more treatments he had left. He has 25 to go. I have 8. I told him it would fly by. They took him back and the couple was gone when I was done. Then it was my turn. I go back. You know the routine. Get snapped in. Shut my eyes and off to zapping land. It as quick. I heard the buzz and knew I only had about 90 seconds left. All done. Then I met with my Radiation Oncologist. I asked about how the chemo would continue after radiation was done and he said it was more of a question for my medical oncologist, other Dr P.

My nurses were so happy with my progress and said small wins are big wins. Vision is back, they loved that. No real side effects other than fatigue. She loved it. Big win, small win. WIN WIN! We talked about my cats and the doc then came in.

All in all it has been a good day. I treated myself to a toasted Asiago Bagel today with some honey pecan cheam creems. That is so funny to me, cheam creems. I love nobodycaresanthony.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

“Dear Tumor, the eviction notice was taped to your door weeks ago. You’re squatting now. But I’ve got 9 more blasts of cosmic justice coming for you.”I’ve got nine radiation sessions left. Single digits. Like a countdown to… what exactly? Not the end. Not a cure. Just the end of one chapter where a giant machine points invisible death rays at my skull and everyone pretends that’s totally normal.

By now, I know the drill. The table. The mask. The whirring sound like a microwave making popcorn in hell. Twenty-one zaps down, and somehow I still have enough brain cells left to write this post. Or at least I think I do—if I start repeating myself or talking about raccoons, assume that was the frontal lobe short-circuiting.

People say radiation is cumulative. That’s true. Not just the fatigue or the skin stuff or the weird taste in my mouth that screams “chewed battery,” but emotionally too. Each session is like a tick mark on the wall. Survival math.

And now? Nine zaps to go.

It should feel like progress. And it does—mostly. But there’s something else too. A weird grief? A fear of the routine ending? Radiation sucks, but it’s also been something. A rhythm. A purpose. An enemy you can name and schedule around. When it’s done, what fills that space?

Nine zaps. Then I ring a bell I never asked to ring. Then I keep going.

Because that’s what this is. Not the end. Just the next unknown.

Let’s go, Zap 22. I’m ready.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

I can’t believe I only have ten sessions left of my radiation therapy! It’s been a journey for sure. The staff at the treatment center have been so nice. I can’t wait to ring the bell on my last treatment day. I’m hopeful Rudy is shrinking and stabilizing. I don’t know what I will do after the sessions are complete. I know I will have some free time on my hands. I mean it’s only about an hour a day. I’m sure my chemo will continue. But the radiation sessions will cease. July 8th, my last session. I’m ecstatic. I’m hopeful. I’m happy. Two weeks tomorrow and it’s finished!

We arrived early today. The valet sees us pull up and grabs the chair. We roll in and check in. I get my armband ID and wait for the tech to bring me back. They bring me to a holding area while I wait my turn. One of the medical assistants had a birthday and there were balloons. It was a pleasant sight to see. A tech brings me back and snaps me in. The mask is a familiar feeling now. I’m used to the radiation setting. They give me a behind the knee pillow and a round foam handle. I’m snapped in with the mask. It’s tight but a comfortable tight. I close my eyes and listen for the buzz. It’s over. I hear the techs come in and unsnap me. Back home we go.

I think I’m on the homestretch now. I hope the next couple of weeks are easy to manage. It’s not been too bad so far. Just the wobbly wobbly and the double vision. Now that my vision is back it’s been much better to get around.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

Sunday is usually our meal prep day for breakfasts. I had a bagel today. It was yummy: an Asiago bagel with some honey pecan cream cheese. We made a lot of egg bites last weekend, so we didn’t have to today. Instead, I got up and followed my normal morning routine. Then we watched a documentary on the Long Island Serial Killer. I want to ask my brother-in-law about this as he lives in Long Island. Search for Gilgo Beach on Peacock; it was fantastic.

I placed a grocery order and meal-prepped some ground beef for the week. Tonight we will have taco boats and rice with salad. The other half I will use for a tortellini bake like a couple of weeks ago; last time I used rotisserie chicken for it, and my wife said it would be good with beef. So this week we will try it with beef.

I’ve been a little dizzy today. I sat at the stove to cook tonight. Walmart is crazy cheap on beef. I got 2 pounds of it and cooked it. I saved some in a bag for tomorrow and mixed up some Spanish rice and taco seasoning for tonight. It’s nice not having to go to radiation on the weekends. It’s a nice break. Back at it tomorrow, though. I’d like to go out for a sundae later, but I’m not sure if this rain will hold off.

My right leg usually twitches like a focal seizure. It hasn’t been doing that today. I’m thankful that it hasn’t twitched. I hate when it does. A nurse on my care team said to get a video of it to show them. How can you video something so random? I don’t know when it’s going to twitch. It’s not like I can film it or ask my leg to rewind. My mom has said she notices it when I nap. Am I supposed to just sit here with my phone ready? That’s ridiculous.

Not much to report today. Just some hydration, cooking, and streaming. It was a good, quiet Sunday with my wife. We didn’t have much to do today. We rested and watched the documentary. Chip was extra needy today. He required a lot of pets and rubs. He snuggled a bit, and I loved every minute. Usually, these Bengal Brats are very independent and won’t snuggle. He snuggled way more as a baby when I would take him with me to work. I’m loving his neediness today.

I am in such need of a haircut. I’ve been holding off to see if I lose hair from the chemo and radiation. I’m in a weird spot with it because I dont want to waste the money on a cut if it falls out but at the same time, it hasn’t happened yet. It’s been 3 months since my last haircut. I don’t mind the longer hair but I hate it growing over my ears. My sideburns are thick and bushy. I can’t stand it. Do I want to shave my head? Not a chance. But I also feel like it would be better in the long run to shave it down to buy some time between cuts.

Random thoughts come in and out. These are just a few today.
Thank you for stopping by!

~Bruce