Making the most of an inoperable situation.

Celebrations in order? Yep! My MRI was done today. Scans show stable, no growth, change, or migration. Good news! Dr. P was happy about it. Still a low-grade glioma. No change there. I’ll take it.

I was a ball of nerves this week leading up to the MRI. I kept it all in so as not to worry my family. I know it’s not good to internalize things, but it seemed to help me just push it all down. Focus on other things. Keep your mind busy. Why worry anyone with how I feel when we would not have news till today anyway?

No radiation is ordered. Yay! However, I am going on the 5/23 protocol of chemo. 5 days of chemo, 23 days off. Now I just wait for the pharmacy to fill it. They had to take my weight today. I told the scale to be nice to me. It was not. Between the steroids and my increased appetite, I have put on some weight. I am not too happy about that. Shirts are a bit snug. My watch is tight on my wrist. I don’t want to be chunky again. Gotta reign this weight in.

I have a Zoom call with my surgeon Dr. L on Monday morning. The MRI went as expected, timely and to the point. My medical oncologist was running behind today. 2 hours waiting is brutal. I’m so happy, well as happy as I can be. I know this isn’t going away. Rudy, my dark passenger, will always be there, but it is not growing or changing, which I am super thankful for.

It is also International Cat Day. My boys are spoiled enough. Do I spoil them more on this illustrious day of theirs? Nope. They have all the things; they get all the love. I won’t abandon them as they do to me daily. I will give them their due love and kisses, but they are such spoiled brats. I need to get all the kisses I can in between them and my wife before I start back on the chemo.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

Let me tell you, it has been difficult the last week. The vertigo has been through the roof. I am having to take so much extra time just getting around. I messaged the patient portal, and one of the nurses responded, saying potentially the steroid could be causing a negative effect. I don’t know about that. From everything I have read from other patients, it seems that is not correct information. The nurse recommended I step down further with my dosage. I am currently on 5mg dex: 2mg in the morning, 1mg at lunchtime, and 2mg at dinnertime. I felt much better on 6mg. IDK how this will go if I just take 2mg at breakfast and 2mg at dinner. We will see.

I had bloodwork this morning. I had such a difficult time getting to the car to go. I was so nervous. Coming home wasn’t bad, and getting in the house wasn’t too bad. Nothing like going. I got my sandwich okay at lunchtime. I walked to the bathroom no problem, multiple times today. I heated up dinner and was a bit wobbly. What a mess this is.

I have an MRI and doctor appointment Friday. Hopefully, there will have been some shrinkage or stability to Rudy, the tumor. No headaches to report. Honestly, the only thing that has been plaguing me lately is this vertigo. Vision is fine, speech is great. Even the phlebotomist said she noticed my speech was so much better. In the beginning, the slurring was so terrible. Now it’s non-existent.

On a lighter note, my cats have been absent most days. They still abandon me for the front room of the house each day. Tonight, Chip didn’t come see me until his mama got home from work. I rested most of the day. What more do I do, really? I watched a couple of YouTube videos and some Britbox. I’ve been into watching offroad recovery videos. Britbox shows have been on HBO Max. I’ve been recently watching Blue Lights, an Irish cop show. It’s really good. The Gilded Age is coming to its season finale. I hope Mr. George Russell pulls through, but IDK because I read that he did not sign a contract for next year. I love his character. I always laugh when I’m watching F1 or The Gilded Age. George Russell is both a character on the show and a racing driver. It just makes me chuckle.

Tonight we had some carnitas sandwiches and a salad. It was yummy.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

Well, I thought I was done with blood work last week, but the scheduler called and scheduled another month’s worth of blood draws. Yay. Sarcasm. Then I had to call back because they scheduled at the wrong campus. This would have been a nightmare to get to. I had to have them reschedule each appointment. I asked if she could just schedule and I’ll check the patient portal. That did not happen. Now I was on the phone with the scheduler for another hour. Yippee, more sarcasm.

The last few days have been okay. Today we made some egg bites. I got pretty dizzy afterward. It took me a little longer to get back to my resting area. My knees were weak. Mom’s spaghetti? lol I had to take my time to get back.

I noticed I get fewer views on here when I don’t post on FB about a new post. I really don’t want my Facebook page to be all cancer-related and telling of new posts. I’ll take the fewer views to maintain a more positive FB. It’s been more cat and Formula 1 posts. Stuff I enjoy.

We watched the new Happy Gilmore movie on Netflix last night. I loved it. I hated Frank Manatee; he has such a punchable face. It was good to clear my mind and go to a happy place. Shooter was fantastic.

Yesterday, the cats were hell-bent on getting in my way, playing with my cane and rubbing up against my legs when I walk. This could lead to disaster and me falling. I wasn’t too happy about it. They annoyed me with their antics. Leave me be, boys. Pancake is the worst offender. Chip just started doing these things. Sometimes, in the morning when I am getting my breakfast ready, Pancake will swarm me and knock over my cane. I have to then wait for my wife to come and collect him so he isn’t in my way.

New legislation in Florida allowed for my county to offer free Weight Watchers for residents who are already on a paid monthly plan. Not much criteria to meet to access the free service. Since I have been on the steroid, I gained a bit of weight. This increased my BMI, which allowed me to get the WW for free. That’s pretty rad, but I gotta drop this weight. It saves me $16/month on a WW fee. It only took a phone call and a bit of time. Not too shabby. I’m glad I watched the news that morning. I was going to skip it and just put something else on.

That’s pretty much it. Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

The other day, I went for my last scheduled bloodwork. My schedule is now open. It’s odd not having to be anywhere at an appointed time. I find more time on my hands.

Scanxiety is starting to set in. I have my next MRI scheduled in a couple of weeks. I’m hopeful for some Rudy shrinkage. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple of weeks.

Most days I’ve been streaming shows and working. It’s been an adjustment not going to my radiation appointments. It’s been nice; I’m not complaining. I enjoy not having the head sweats and brain buzz. The chemo brain is fading away. Much clearer in there now. Not taking the chemo meds has been wonderful.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

We had to take the boys to the vet for their annual visit: shots and check-up. Wrangling cats is usually not a difficult task. Today was a different story. Chip really didn’t want to go. Normally, you just show him his carrier, and he walks right in. This morning, however, he did not want to. He ran through the house and made it more difficult than it should have been. We finally cornered him in the front room, and he was put in his carrier.

This would be my first visit to the vet office since my diagnosis. I ordered a wheelchair so I can be more mobile outside of the house. We stowed it in the bed of the Jeep. I made my way outside, and we were on our way. The boys screamed in unison the whole trip to the vet. High and low cries. Screams even. We arrived, and I wheeled in with Chip in his kennel on my lap. The tech saw us and helped with the door and collected Chippy off my lap. We were then escorted to their cat room. Today’s visit will consist of a rabies shot for each boy, and Chip gets a shot for his back knee. He has a luxating patella. His knee pops out of socket. It looks worse than it is. It really doesn’t seem to bother him all that much. He still runs on his wheel and throughout the house. Fast as can be, this boy is the Usain Bolt of cats. Pancake was a bit nervous on the way, and he peed a little in the carrier. I hope it didn’t seep through onto my seats in the Gladiator. It won’t be the first time. When Chip was little, he went in my other truck. It wasn’t bad, but it lingered in the heat and had a minimal stink to it. Eww.

Normally, Chip is a good boy at the vet. He gets his shot for his knee each month. They jab him, and he goes and waits in his carrier. Today was different. He was feisty and didn’t want to be there. Growling commenced; he doesn’t usually do this. The shot for his knee squirted out. He got his rabies shot no problem. Pancake, on the other hand, is not a good boy at the vet. When he was a kitten, he had to spend a few nights at the vet because he ate carpet and cherry stems. This ruined his opinion of the vet for life. Now, each time he goes, he turns into the devil himself. Lots of growling and hissing. We let Chip go first as not to let him see Pancake get so upset. That made no difference. Chip was like Pancake Jr., growling, hissing, and fighting the whole way through. They tell us to come back tomorrow as not to ruin his perception of the vet visit. This boy has the memory of an elephant. I think he’ll be just as mad tomorrow. Let’s hope it goes smoothly.

We finish up and pay, and I’m feeling froggy. I want to try my hand at driving. I haven’t driven since my diagnosis. That’s 4 months. I climb in the Jeep, and my wife loads up the boys and the wheelchair. We’re on our way now. I felt at home again behind the wheel. I got a bit dizzy when I turned my head. That goes away pretty quickly. It felt amazing driving again. I know my wife was nervous to let me, but I needed this. I missed driving so much. I missed my Jeep. The control of machinery. I’m not sure how soon I will be driving fully, but this was a great first step.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

One of the few things I enjoy for lunch lately is a nice crunchy PB&J. I like to have it with no sugar added peanut butter and a no sugar added blackberry jam. Normally, it is delicious. Unfortunately, over the last two weeks my tastes have decided to take a vacation. I can’t taste anything salty. Everything else is muted. I can barely taste my lunch sandwich. Tonight, we had some leftover chicken alfredo pasta and a salad. I could taste the blue cheese crumbles in the salad, but it tastes off. The pasta tasted okay, but I added some Heinz 57 to it to have some kind of flavor. I know, that sounds weird, but when your taste buds are taking a vacation on you, you’ll try anything.

Two nights ago, I opened up some Little Debbie Starcrunch ice cream. It’s only available at Walmart. I was so looking forward to it. Like I said, my tastes are off, so it was muted also. I could taste a bit of the caramel and chocolate. However, my teeth have been so sensitive to cold things. Ice water especially. What was I thinking I could have some ice cream? I had the first bite. I wanted to shriek. It hurt so bad. This, honestly, was the worst pain side effect throughout this entire cancer journey. So painful. I ate about a half-inch down the pint of ice cream. Not much at all. Normally, I’d either kill it or just have half the pint. I couldn’t take it. I closed my eyes with each bite, somehow thinking that would mask the pain and sensitivity. No such luck. Not worth it. Not worth the pain. I’ll stick to cookies for a sweet fix or some sugar free Werther’s. Cookies don’t hurt you or bring the pain. Surprisingly and thankfully I don’t have any heat sensitivity.

Once again, the meteorologist called for massive rain this afternoon. Never happened! Maybe 5 minutes of a shower around 5 PM.

My cats were such brats today. My morning started with me heating up some egg bites like each morning. Pancake, the big one, has some kind of fetish with my cane. He likes to bite the rubber feet on the cane. Chip is learning to from his brother. It starts with him rubbing his face on the cane and tapping it with his front paw. Then he knocks it over and is so proud of himself. He rolls around on the floor in the middle of the walkway. I call to my wife and ask her for help with the situation. It’s every time I go in the kitchen. They swarm me. But during the day, I’m chopped liver. They don’t want to be near me at all. Chip will come in maybe around 4-4:30 PM and hang. But all day? I shouldn’t complain about them too much, but it’s honestly ridiculous at times what they do to me. They have to know I am hobbling around the house. They see me. Does it not compute in their furry little brains? I am at times SO OVER THEM. I love them, but seriously boys, come on!

Anyway, thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

Good evening, I had some blood work today. Hoping to hear back from my care team to stop some antibiotics. Haven’t heard yet. My results came back immediately. All seems good. I had a bit of dizziness today, not like it has been though. I got up, had my breakfast, and got ready for the day. We went to the blood draw appointment and only waited a few minutes. A quick prick of the needle, and we were on our way back. I have one more blood draw appointment next week and my calendar of appointments is empty. I have an MRI in early August.

My boys have been absent all day. They came in this afternoon to munch on some of their food. Finally, around 5 PM, Chip came in and climbed all over me. He’s a good boy, but they seem to like the front room better than hanging out with me.

We have somewhat of a storm brewing on the other coast. Yesterday, lightning was popping all over and the wind was insane. Lots of rain in the afternoon. The forecast called for more of the same today as the cells moved west across the state. We haven’t seen any today. Barely a sprinkle. Sometimes these meteorologists just get it completely wrong. My wife and I have a name for the Chief Meteorologist we watch: Paul Gotitwrongo.

That’s about it for today. Not much to report on. I hope to have more soon, but I doubt it. It’s slow these days as I’m finished with my chemo and radiation appointments. It’s odd to have this much time on my hands.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

I figured since I’m not going to treatment every day, I could step back and not post as much. I wouldn’t want to bore anyone with “I watched TV and had lunch today.”

Sometimes I want to blow up. Sometimes I don’t want to keep it in. Today is not a blow-up day. But we all have those days. Days where you don’t want to deal with anyone. Days where nothing seems to feel right. I have them, you have them. We’re just human. Our feelings can erupt and make you feel like the world just doesn’t want to cooperate. Or you feel like you can trigger emotions in others. It’s okay to set boundaries. I need to do this more. Yes, I am in a terrible situation. No, I don’t need or want to feel this way. It sucks. Cancer sucks.

We made egg bites today. My sous chef, my wife, helped me a lot with them. I prep and get them in the molds, and she steams them and does the clean-up for me. We have it down to a science. Teamwork truly does make the dream work.

Restraint: the act of controlling or limiting something. Whether it’s one’s own emotions, actions, or physical movement, or the act of limiting or controlling something or someone else. We all could implement some sort of restraint. I find that setting some boundaries is a healthy way of making yourself and your feelings valid. Restraining yourself is not bottling up feelings and emotions. It makes sense to keep yourself in check. Step back and think of the way your actions can make others feel. I do this, and I try not to upset anyone or step on toes/feelings.

Don’t think I’m on a high horse looking down. Some actions this week have made me give pause and reflect. I’m 45 years old. I don’t want to feel like a baby or child. I don’t want others to make me feel that way either. My situation is shitty. I know this, and I have accepted it. My wife understands this, and we have talked about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m the type of person who believes that everything you’ve gone through has brought you to this point in your life. I wouldn’t change anything, not even the diagnosis. Choices and steps you’ve taken to get here have shaped you, your life, and others around you.

So, I may not post daily; I’m still here. I’m still struggling through my day like many others before me and many others behind me. I’m still fighting through this. I may not have treatment and chemo anymore, but I’m still here, living through it. Somehow navigating this diagnosis. Hoping for some shrinkage/stabilization of Rudy.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

Today I was heating up a stuffed pepper for lunch. The dish was very hot. I didn’t feel comfortable carrying it to the table. I ate at the island in the kitchen. I pulled over the barstool and had lunch. It was delicious. When I finished, I was going to place my dish in the sink and wash it. I slid the barstool over, back where it goes. I lost my balance and the stool went over. CRASH! Such a loud bang. I didn’t fall, but I lost some balance reaching for the stool. It was a terrible sound. It shook me to the core. My hands were shaking. I almost went down. That would have been terrible. My father-in-law came out to see what happened. I was standing at the counter, shaking and nervous. All was good though. Chip came to investigate as well. Then he disappeared. No sight of him the rest of the afternoon. Pancake was nowhere to be found.

Shakily, I made my way back to my room, where I finished the movie I was watching, Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning. Then I started The Gilded Age on Max. Pretty good, I liked Downton Abbey and this is created by the same person, same feel. They keep saying the name of a character and he shares a name with a formula 1 driver, George Russell. It cracks me up. I am an instant fan. So today I scared myself.

I’m cutting the steroid back. I’m down to 4mg/day now. Maybe I need to go back up to 5 or 6mg. I am not sure if this was the cause of today’s events or me being overzealous to push a stool back. Either way, I felt weak before and after. I feel a slight lightheadedness today, kind of like after a couple puffs of weed. I haven’t had that at all. Slight head buzz. Maybe it is being off the chemo meds and my head going back to normal. I’m not sure, but I know I feel different the last couple of days.

DoorDash will be here soon. I ordered a couple of Italian sandwiches for the wife and me tonight. Haven’t had this in a while. It should be good.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

Day 2 without radiation or chemo. I’ve been exhausted today. What did I do? Not a thing. The fatigue got me real good. I’ve slept most of the day. Like an unquenchable thirst, I just can’t stay awake today.

I had a bit of a nosebleed this morning. I was a bit concerned. I messaged my care team, and of course, I was told to just monitor it. Make sure it wasn’t persistent. It lasted about 30 minutes this morning. Once it stopped, it didn’t start again. A friend of mine who has been through this said she gets them too, so that made me feel a bit better, I suppose.

Not much else to report today. A lot of snoozing and resting. Just tired. I’m hoping tomorrow is a different story. I like napping, but this was a lot. Chip hung out with me a bit today. A few snuggles from him. I enjoyed that.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce