Making the most of an inoperable situation.

Wanna hear something weird? I sailed through the treatments 30/30. Not many side effects. Dizziness, weight gain from steroids (and cookies), headache. Not too bad, right? Last week I lost some hair in the back. Yesterday, of all days, my last day, I lost my taste. I took the chemo meds as instructed, as I’ve done for the past 30 cycles. As directed. And it goes away on my last day. Wild! I could taste my breakfast fine. Lunch, no taste. Had a flan around 3, no taste. Dinner, no taste. Our neighbors came by with a bundt cake. Normally delicious. Couldn’t taste a thing. Maybe just the little chocolate chips inside. I hated it. What was the point? Today, no meds, my taste is back! Temporary hatred, but ugh. Everything was muted. Even water!

So today I begin Day 1, 2.0. No chemo, no radiation, no appointments. What will this bring? It’s weird not having to be somewhere. I sat and had breakfast today. Watched a bit of the news early. Didn’t have to take my zofran for nausea or chemo meds. No head buzzing. No headache. No head sweats. I am such a creature of habit and routine. Everything feels off today. I drank my water and hydration powder like I normally would for my radiation appointment.
I still will continue that because it’s good to stay hydrated. But I no longer have to down it by a certain time. Not that they told me to anyway. I just did what I did.

I got some work done today. Staying ahead of the game. I feel good. It’s just odd not having to be somewhere, as I stated above. My wife texted me from work saying the same thing. Odd. Day 1 2.0, what a feeling.

Non-medical-related: I woke up to news that the team principal of my favorite F1 team was sacked. I thought he was also CEO of them. Unanimous ousting. That’s nuts to me. Is this the downfall of my team? Will Max go to Mercedes, as the internet is suggesting? Both contracts for the Merc drivers are up at the end of the year. Silly Season is in full effect. I hope things work out. Vasseur may be out at Ferrari. Horner could go there or Alpine. Alpine is in shambles this season, save for Gasly. He’s driving that tractor into standings it should be nowhere near.

Anyway, thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

July 8th, 2025, my last day! I did it, you guys! I made it through 30 cycles of radiation and chemo. Emotions got me at the end when I rang the bell. Blood work will continue weekly at the treatment center. I’m so happy to be done with this part of the journey. Now the wait begins. My next MRI is in August. Has Rudy shrunk? Has Rudy stabilized?
Four weeks off and time to overthink things, right? Wrong! Continue to stay positive. Continue your faith. Continue your will to survive this monster diagnosis. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

I’m so happy to have met some wonderful people throughout this crazy time. The staff there was amazing. The patients I have met have been so positive. It’s amazing what a smile and a nod can bring you. Such positivity and joy during what could be the worst time of your life. If I have learned anything through this, it is that perspective and a positive mental outlook can keep you going longer than you think. Keep your faith strong and lean on a support system when you need to. Don’t be afraid to ask for help with anything. Put your ego aside and bend. Allow others to help when necessary.

My wife has been a rock throughout this journey. She has lifted me up when I am down. She kept me going. She kept me fed and hydrated. Thank you for bringing me breakfast and coffee! She is such a strong, caring person, and I am immensely grateful for her. My mother has also been there with me, taking me to appointments and hanging out a couple of days a week.

My radiation friends showed up early for their appointment so they could see me ring the bell. I never thought I would be so happy seeing a couple of “friends” I didn’t even know outside of a cancer center.

I can’t wait to be off the chemo meds and start to feel normal again. Friday was amazing not taking them. I felt like my old self again. I wasn’t as dizzy. I could move better. My head didn’t feel like a microwaved piece of cheese. I know each day will be better the further I am away from these meds. I just need my care team to message me back on the other meds. I messaged them over the weekend and still haven’t heard back yet. I don’t think I will need to continue them, but I want to hear from the horse’s mouth, you know?

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

29 down and 1 to go! As my time with radiation draws to an end, I’m left wondering and hoping that my tumor, Rudy, goes away or shrinks/stabilizes. I had hoped my MRI would be closer to the last appointment, but it is scheduled for the first week of August.

I ordered some mini cupcakes for the staff at the treatment center. They look pretty good. I would love to have one, but I don’t want to break a package for my own wants. To say I’m excited to be done would be an understatement. Going there has been an experience. I’ve made some new “friends.” They’re great people, but I would have loved to have met them under different circumstances. I hope the regular staff is all there so I can see them one last time. I have a bloodwork appointment as well. I will still have weekly blood draws going forward. I’m not sure why they want to check my blood levels so often after I’m done, but I am stoked to not be on so many meds.

I didn’t get to go for a drive this weekend. I was not feeling up to it. I was a bit dizzy and tired. Plus, the rain chances didn’t help my nerves any. Maybe once the chemo is out of my system, I will feel more up to venturing out.

My hair is falling out in clumps in the back. It waited this long to start clumping out. What the heck! I asked my wife to buzz down the semi-mullet I have back there. I think it looks better trimmed up. I gotta get in for a trim or find my clippers and attempt a COVID-style buzz cut or fade. Back then, I taught myself via YouTube how to cut and fade my hair. It was easy and involved lots of pretzeling my arms to get the right angle. Imagine a set of clippers in one hand and an iPhone with the camera on in the other. It was a comical sight to see. Mirrors and pretzel arms. Weird angles.

I got to see the older couple at the radiation center today. They were super nice. They remembered tomorrow is my last day. I hope to see them again tomorrow, but their schedule has changed. I usually only see them in passing at the end of appointments.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

I’m edging closer and closer to my last treatment. Today I took my chemo dose, and the vertigo is hitting me hard. I’ve had a headache all afternoon. The head sweats have been a lot today. I’ll be so happy when it’s over, and I don’t have to take them any longer.

My boys stayed away most of the day and came in to hang with me around 4 PM. I get they’re independent, but I’m needy for them. Stay with me, guys. Even if you just sleep across the room.

I made a tortellini dish tonight. Easy dump-and-bake recipe. I made some mini meatballs with it. It should be good. I have made it before, but with chicken. I wanted to try it with some homemade mini meatballs. Fingers crossed. I’ll let you know.

We did not have to prep any egg bites today. Last week we made enough to last a couple of weeks. I don’t think I could have today anyway. I’m glad we over-prepped last week. Plenty of fatigue and dizziness today. I didn’t even really feel like cooking tonight, but we gotta eat.

Second to last radiation cycle tomorrow. Last one Tuesday, and I WILL RING THE BELL.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

I skipped my chemo med TMZ yesterday per the nurse’s order. The specialty pharmacy that compounded my med gave me one less pill than would get me through my last treatment. I messaged my care team through the patient portal, and they said to skip it. No problem, you don’t have to tell me twice. I felt great yesterday. Not much dizziness, no brain fog, no headache. Is this what is in store for me after Tuesday? I sure hope so.

Today I got up around 7:45 a.m. Did my normal routine: get ready, eat, meds, news, etc. I watched some news. Took my chemo meds about an hour after I ate. Then I started to feel it: the dizziness, the headache. My face got red. I had an amazing day yesterday. What could it be? No chemo meds. I was ecstatic. I didn’t want to take my meds today. This was an amazing feeling being off of the meds. I only have a few more days, so I won’t get myself too bummed about it. I’ve come this far. Only a couple of days to go. I will ring that bell Tuesday. Then no more meds. Exciting!

My wife said she noticed a considerable difference in me yesterday. She said I was getting around the house easily. I had more energy. I felt like my old self. I didn’t have the fatigue like before. It was really nice.

The sun set and it was about to begin. It was the 4th of July. Normally, we cover our cars as we have had some damage from fireworks in the past. It usually rains here on the 4th anyway. I’m not petty, but I like my vehicles clean and undamaged. I wasn’t able to cover the Jeep or the Hornet yesterday. I was nervous for the two outside. The neighbors set off a massive display. We were listening to all the cracks, crackles, and booms, and I was cringing at each one, thinking there were molten fireballs raining down on our cars. I had a red Chevy back in the day, and the paint was burned from fallout from the fireworks. So you see my frustration with it. Luckily for us, the rain was coming in. We laughed as it started pouring down. The fireworks got silent. They went inside, no booms. Rain stopped, booms started back up. Cringing resumes. We continued to watch a movie. It was good, Sinners on Max. Check it out. We did have some damage to the screen out back around the pool. Some hot fallout from one of the neighbor’s fireworks. That sucks. What can you do?

Let’s change gears. Do you ever begrudgingly use or finish something to not give satisfaction of wasted money? I feel this way about some Apple Jacks cereal recently. I don’t hate it, but it’s not my favorite. There is something different with it than I remember from my youth. The cinnamon is a bit spicier and gives almost a numbing sensation when eating it. I’m almost finished with it. I won’t give this cereal the satisfaction of besting my taste buds. I will finish you. I don’t like you, but I will finish you. Silly, right?

Anyway, thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

July 4th, 2025. America’s 249th birthday.

Today was like most other days. Get up, get ready, take meds, have breakfast, and start the day. It was nice not having any treatment today. I slept in until about 7:30 am. I got to skip my chemo meds today. Just took my regular meds.

The steroid taper has been fine the past couple of weeks. I’m down to 5mg a day. Next week I will start 4mg/day. I’ve been getting around the house better with the lower steroid. I haven’t had as much dizziness. Just slight. Some fatigue today, not too bad. I took a couple of naps. It feels like a tiredness you just can’t shake. I’ve had a slight headache today. Nothing major, just a dull ache.

There’s a tropical disturbance off the east coast of Florida today. It’s bringing some moisture on land. It should just spin off into the Atlantic Ocean. We’ve had some rain today. Nothing major.

Chip has been somewhat needy today. When I first started typing this entry, he was stepping on my keyboard and locked my laptop. His entry consisted of a bunch of spaces and the number 98. Not sure what he was trying to impart here, but it was funny.

So it’s just a chill day at home with my wife and the boys. Nothing really to report.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

It’s the final countdown! Yesterday I was so tired. I napped a lot in the afternoon and evening. I have some hair loss in the back where the radiation is targeted. I also had a bit of nausea yesterday afternoon. I’ve never had it before. I took an anti-nausea pill to combat it. It seemed to help. Kinda bummed, but I’m okay. I’m on the home stretch now.

I had a dream last night that I was out driving my Jeep. I want to try it soon. I think I will be fine. My vision is back. I’m just wobbly on my feet. I should be able to drive. Maybe I’ll go around the neighborhood first before I venture out, just to get a feel for it again.

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, no treatment appointment. I have one less day’s worth of chemo meds. I will skip tomorrow’s dose. My nurse said that would be okay. That way, I have a dose on my last radiation cycle.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

So I got done yesterday, came home, and started noticing some hair loss in the back of my head where the radiation is targeted. I’m only 3 cycles away from completion of this round, and this happens now? Come on, man! I thought I’d skate by without any hiccups like this. It’s not a big deal, and I won’t see it as it’s in the back of my head, but still. It’s personal and a bummer. Call me Professor Klump because that’s just how it was coming out—clumps.

I ran my fingers through my hair and noticed it. Oh well. We’re almost done! If this is all it will be, then it is not too bad. Weird haircut coming soon. The top of my head isn’t affected.

I saw my radiation friends today, the older couple. We don’t really talk, just a wave and a general “hi, how are ya?”. It is a bright part of my day when I go. I saw the Radiation Oncologist after my zappy zap today. I have 6 days until my last appointment and 3 cycles left. I have 5 chemo pills. Something didn’t math right with the pharmacy. I asked the doc if I should just skip a day, maybe Friday since it is a holiday. He said to ask the Medical Oncologist. I got a message into them through my patient portal. My nurse at the radiation site said just skip a day. I’m sure my MO will say the same. I can’t imagine the pharmacy just filling one pill a day.

So that’s that. I’m down to 3 cycles left now. What a journey thus far.

Thank you for coming along with me!
~Bruce

The countdown has begun. Well, technically, I have been counting down since day one 🙂 But the last four should go by quickly. I am glad to be counting down to being un-microwaved. Sometimes I feel a warmth during the radiation. Today was one of those days. Felt like I was getting cooked. Friday will be the 4th of July. No treatment appointment. Still daily chemo meds. I had some blood work today. I didn’t get to see my rad friends today. The receptionist we like asked where my feisty redhead was. I said Tuesday and Wednesday it’s my mom’s days to drive me. I texted my wife and she laughed.

Forget weed — my brain’s literally getting baked on the regular. Still no superpowers. Rude. I do take an RSO capsule at night. I’ve read where it can help with tumors and cancer.

I gave my tech the Egg Bite recipe. She was happy with it. I forgot to put the cottage cheese in the directions, so I had to handwrite it. I hate my handwriting. I was never good at penmanship. Especially now. My handwriting is worse. Legible but worse. Oh well, what can you do? The tech said she wanted to try them this weekend since she has a long weekend.

I have a bit of writer’s block today with the brain fog. The zappy zap gets me some days. I’m glad it doesn’t happen at each appointment.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce

As this time comes to a close, I am left with a feeling of happiness and sadness. What do I expect next? How will I fill my mornings? Do I adopt a new routine? These questions have answers, but I don’t have them yet.

I saw some radiation friends today. It’s wonderful what a simple smile can bring you. I see this older couple at each appointment. We never really chatted before, just smiles and glances exchanged in passing at the treatment center. Today, we spoke, and I told them next Tuesday, July 8th, is my last appointment. He has to go until the end of July. There were a few other people at the center, and they heard our conversation. One lady was all smiles as I was telling the couple about my last day. I told them theirs would fly by, or at least I hoped it would, like mine did. The wife mentioned their times were changed, and they worried they would not see me anymore. It’s nice to have made a positive impact on a would-be stranger. All I ever did was smile and wave when they would arrive. Little things cause big waves.

I was wheeled back to a holding area. Another patient I just met last week asked how my day was, and I told her it was just getting started. She said she had a full day of appointments after radiation at the other campus: doctor appointment, blood work, MRI, CT—the whole magilla. I told her it was nice to see her and that she had a full plate today. I also mentioned my last day. We only ever said hello and laughed at another patient’s story about how there is no original thought left in Hollywood, which I tend to agree with. Too many remakes, sequels, and no originality any longer. He also made us laugh by using a term to describe little people that is no longer PC. We were laughing so hard that day at his absurdity. Anyway, she was also in the holding area waiting to be brought back for some zappy zap. I told my wife about the exchange and who it was, and she chuckled.

My dizziness isn’t as bad as it’s been the last couple of days. I did miss a steroid this weekend. I don’t think that had to do with the increased vertigo. I think the radiation is just catching up to me, and this weekend was a bit trying. Today has been easier. I had my zapping and came home. I saw my “friends” at the place, did some light work for my job, had lunch, and a juicy Georgia peach. I had a couple of mini donuts and watched a movie. It rained most of the morning, and now it’s sunny. Chip came to hang with me. He’s asleep at the moment. Normal for him at this time. I’m going to make a frozen lasagna tonight from Costco. It’s pretty good. Last night I didn’t really feel like cooking, so I made a strawberry salad like last week: spring mix, strawberries, cucumbers, tomatoes, chicken, sunflower seeds, and some raspberry vinaigrette. I prepped my egg bites yesterday afternoon. That was easy and quick. I can’t wait to try them.

Thank you for stopping by!
~Bruce